


Way to forgive

by Ecigarette



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, And a hint of smut later cause why not, Angst, Basically all angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Post Season 3, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21510820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecigarette/pseuds/Ecigarette
Summary: Nicole was woken by some hazy sound.She frowned, tried to get rid of the infinite languor that’s wrapping her up at that moment. She found consciousness back in that void filled of darkness, then slowly opened her eyes. She saw vague red color in front of her, felt the softness of something fluffy on her face. She blinked her eyes for a few more times.And everything started to get more clear.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 24
Kudos: 92





	1. The heroine

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I just wanna say this is my first work and English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any misuse of words, wrong grammar or some other mistakes.  
> Anyway I hope y'all will like it. Enjoy :)

Nicole was woken by some hazy sound.

She frowned, tried to get rid of the infinite languor that’s wrapping her up at that moment. She found consciousness back in that void filled of darkness, then slowly opened her eyes. She saw vague red color in front of her, felt the softness of something fluffy on her face. She blinked her eyes for a few more times.

Everything started to get more clear- scarlet carpet with vine lines on it extended under her sight, until it’s stopped by the wall; But not the golden tassels on both sides, they still climbed on and suffused the whole wall, but the color is darker perhaps because of the light, though it didn’t lessen any of the luxurious and lavish feeling in the atmosphere. Huge roman columns connected the ground to all the floors till it reached the oblong sky and stuck in firmly, a painting of gods’ romping above the clouds covered the whole ceiling. Elegant chandeliers were chained and hung in midair, offered some dim light to the room. Nicole slowly got up, looked around at this place with full of questions in her head, trying to understand what’s happening: is this place for the nobilities and rich people to have meetings or parties, or a secret club of some cult, or...

A theater that’s currently closing, but waiting urgently for the next excellent show to performance? She turned her head- a medium stage was just a few meters away, though no one's on there.

Nicole suddenly felt a warmth came from her hand. She brought it up, saw the big ugly ring Waverly gave her was gleaming faintly. The next thing she knew, it’s like someone put the flash on and took a picture for her, the dazzling white light forced her to close her eyes, and all the memories came back to her.

_She remembered how her head was dizzy like crazy and felt like it's about to explode, after she got drugged by Wynonna and woke up in a wild land. She didn't even know how she got there- so did other friends. All she remembered is just the dry, solid and still cold like a sting to her skin feeling of the land beneath her, and a brunette squatting in front of her, with a rarely worried look on her face. Wynonna didn't tell why she's there or how she found her. After they got into car, she just drove on the gravel road in silence._

_A while after, Nicole opened her month to ask,_ _“_ _Where are we going?_ _”_

 _“_ _Go back to homestead._ _”_ _Wynonna answered in a casual tone._

 _“_ _Oh. Waverly_ _’_ _s home already?_ _”_ _Nicole asked again. She subtly noticed Wynonna was abruptly shocked for a moment after the question._

 _Wynonna didn_ _’_ _t reply this time, and Nicole knew better than pursue. She waited, slowly that small solitary house showed in their sights, Wynonna parked the car outside of the house; she knew she couldn_ _’_ _t avoid telling her the truth, so she started to speak with a bit_ _of_ _hesitation._ _“_ _Waverly uh... she_ _’_ _s not- she_ _’_ _s in..._ _”_ _She stuttered, hands_ _’_ _still on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead, it_ _’_ _s almost so clearly that she_ _’_ _s trying to tell a reasonable lie._

 _“_ _Just say it, Wynonna, trust me I can handle this._ _”_ _Nicole leaned to her side to face her formally, put one hand on her shoulder as a reassurance. Although her heart already dropped to the bottom when she saw Wynonna_ _’_ _s reaction, made her couldn_ _’_ _t help but start to imagine all the worst possibilities in her head; It took almost all her strength to just hold herself from shaking uncontrollably with fear and pretended cool, cause she knew the pressure Wynonna_ _’_ _s holding was not any less than her. How she_ _’_ _s gonna feel if she panicked because of her words?_

 _“_ _She was..._ _”_ _Wynonna then took a deep breath, licked a bit her chapped lips with tongue._ _“_ _there_ _’_ _s some other thing in that door... she got dragged in by something looked like a super thick vine. She_ _’_ _s in the Garden now. We need to go home first and figure a way to get into the Garden too._ _”_ _Then she added in a rushing voice,_ _“_ _But Doc followed her in. He didn_ _’_ _t bring weapon, but I know he will protect her, he_ _’_ _ll protect her at all cost._ _”_ _Nicole nodded. Her hand was lingering on the car door for a while, seemed lost in her thoughts, then finally pushed it and left the car without a word._

 _That night after the light in homestead_ _’_ _s out, both of them were s_ _tifling_ _themselves so hard, so they didn_ _’_ _t hear the other_ _’_ _s crying out of their_ _own._

_-_

_A few days after they saw Doc came back to homestead alone, his eyes were a bit hollow and reddish on the rims, small injuries were all over his body like a proof of how mysterious and dangerous was this place called_ _‘_ _paradise_ _’_ _._

_Wynonna realized the situation first and went to help Doc get inside the house. Then Jeremy and Robin did so too, they went to surround him and walk him in, while asking what happened up there with full of concern in their voice. Nicole just stood there staring at them, didn’t know what to do nor making any move._

_“_ _Get in first. We_ _’_ _ll talk later._ _”_ _Wynonna gently tapped Nicole_ _’_ _s shoulder and gave her a understanding look when she passed her and walked into the house; And Doc spoke to her with a pair of sad eyes,_ _“_ _I_ _’_ _m so sorry Nicole._ _”_

_Nicole opened her month wanted to say something, but eventually just shut it quietly. She turned around and walked into the living room, thinking how Waverly is all alone in the Garden now, who would be there for her and accompany her when she’s having hard time. Is that place cold? Is there any horrible demons threaten her life? Is she able to sleep in those nights? Does she have nightmares?_

_Is there really a paradise that’s made for angels like Waverly, or just another inferno?_

_A warm feeling approached her before she recognized it._

_She came back to reality, noticed Wynonna was no longer with Doc but right in front of her sight, and hugging her so tightly,_ _as if_ _she_ _’_ _s afraid she would lose her._

 _“_ _It_ _’_ _s gonna be okay, Nicole. She will be okay..._ _”_

_-_

_The result of the investigation about_ _the_ _Garden surprised everyone, but at the same time it_ _’_ _s so ironic and so predictable: only_ _mortals_ _are_ _allowed and have one chance to enter the Garden. Doc became an exception because he had Julian, or say angel's blood in his body, but that only gave him one chance as well. He's now back from the Garden, meant_ _as the only 100% pure human in the team,_ _Nicole undoubtedly became the chosen one_ _._

 _Nicole didn_ _’_ _t know she should be happy about it or the opposite_ _; She could be_ _the heroine who_ _’_ _s_ _going_ _to save her princess, like a fairytale decreed by fate_ _, or she could fail because the individual power of hers is weak. But there's no time left for her to do all the self-doubt or hesitation or even enough preparation, that door as the only connection between her and her lover could be closed at anytime, besides she just couldn't tolerate one more day without knowing if the girl she loves so much is safe or not._

_She talked to Jeremy and Robin, exchanged opinions and advice, and listened to Jeremy's endless but cute worry about everything; She asked Doc about what he'd encountered in the Garden and kept them in mind, he gave her a small bow and told her "good luck"; She exchanged a look with Wynonna, saw the trust sparking in her eyes and smiled. Nicole walked onto the stairs that's stained with sin and guilt under their gaze._

_Before she stepped into the gate of heaven which was filled with bright light, the last thing she heard_ _on earth_ _is a sentence:_

_"Please, bring her back home."_

_After that her whole world just turned to a glaring blank._

The light faded, Nicole noticed she’d returned back to the hall. The memories she just saw told her the reason she’s here: _She’s here in the Garden to save Waverly, except what is this place, and why?_

_More importantly... where is Waverly?_

She heard footsteps hurrying came behind her out of nowhere, instinctively turned her back, small beads of sweat dropped from her forehead- the space under the stage was totally empty just a few moments ago and now full of audiences, still a aisle was left specially on the center, so she could see what’s happening on the stage that was now under the magnesium lamp:

A few people with unisex clothes and party masks on were standing on the upstage reverently, made it hard to guess on their identity or intention; One man was on the front, he’s wearing mask as well, his body’s covered by black suit and a bowler hat, a cane was held in his hand. Nicole figured he was standing a bit left of the centre, almost like he’s staying aside for something more thrilling to come up. But she just staring at that man, sensed a feeling of familiarity; And everything suddenly made sense after the man took off his mask and showed his snigger and a face that's no different than snake, but also it's surreal and unbelievable at all. She froze, felt cold and anger and scared, all the emotions were crashing inside her, made her barely able to see anything through the oscillation.

She had only seen that monstrous face once, but enough to make a deep impression in her heart. The owner of that appearance was exactly the reason her family and friends got killed, he put all her most beloved people went through those damages, he literally made their life a living hell and he took her lover away from her-

_Bulshar..._

_But Wynonna already told her personally that, she had took care of him._

_Then why is he still alive...?_

The loud rumblings from the stage made her jump from her thoughts, she looked up, watched two masked men pushed a large box with wheels onstage then left quietly, made only that man who looked like Bulshar and the mysterious-looking box that had an extra curtain upon it stayed on the front.

Nicole then observed the box with curiosity; The crowds under the platform started to mumble, they’re making some unclear and illiterate sound, but Nicole wasn’t really care what they’re fussing about. She was too focus on looking at the box, saw “Bulshar” leisurely walked close, and showed a trick by using his cane to give it a light knock. After a sharp sound of the metals clanged together, that curtain magically burst into a colorful fog which dissipated pretty soon, finally released the secret inside. That’s when Nicole found out that’s not some clownish magic box, but a horrific iron cage.

She could see so clearly of what’s inside the cage between the railings, which made it even more heartbreaking that she had to cover her lips to not scream out; It’s a small woman in there, her body’s a bit leaning forward unconsciously, with her head lowed, brown hair straggled down to her front and covered her face in shadow, Nicole couldn’t even tell if she’s alive or not. Her white coat was stained with dirt and blood, rips were all over her clothes, it’s hard to imagine how much torment she must had suffered, to make such a strong woman curled up herself in the corner, looked so fragile and hopeless. She didn’t want to admit this person, this girl that’s barely recognizable besides her scars was the person she’d been dreaming to hold again: Waverly. Tears’ flooding fiercely behind her eyes.

She heard “Bulshar” started to speak, his voice was deep and solemn, but somehow she also discovered a hint of playful in it. “To the honourable guests here, I’d like to introduce you the last but also the most valuable item here: a female half angel.” He pointed to Waverly who’s remained unconscious in the cage. “It’s born due to an angel disregarded the rule and had an affair with a human. Since it set a precedent, I believe everyone of you has understood how precious she is now. Hence, it would make such a good subject for research, or even just become another wonderful collection of yours.” Nicole swore she wanna tear that smiling lips apart from his stupid arrogant face.

“So--”

“Let. Her. Go.” Nicole heard herself snapped out and emphasized on each word, her voice barely leaked out with teeth colliding together but still as loud as a roar. Her face was livid because of the rage, hands clenched too hard that she could feel the pain of anger came from her palms.

All the people turned their heads to her simultaneously. The looks in their eyes were all the same, with hostile and seemed to have an attempt to take a peek of her soul, which even irritated her more and made her oddly uncomfortable. She noticed Bulshar was checking her out as well, but she couldn’t recognize that look. She watched him raised his hands unhurried, then started to clap with a strange rate.

“Very well, young lady.” His eyes were darkened at the next moment. “Now tell me, why should I let her go just like this?”

“More importantly... why should I give her to you?”

“I-” Nicole was going to argue, but her tongue tied for a moment. _How could she talk sense with a heartless devil? It_ _’_ _s not like he_ _’_ _s gonna pity them and let her_ _out, she has to find a way to convince him or..._

while she’s still brainstorming the solution, Bulshar spoke out again:

“Let me ask you some other questions then,” He shuffled to the fore of the cage’s door. “two questions. Question one: will you...” He raised his head and focused on Nicole again, the expression in his eyes was as sharp as the lightning.

“..die for her?”

“Of course I will!” Nicole answered without hesitation. She’s almost a bit proud of how fast and determined she replied to that-

A bump was echoing in the hall, and the next thing she knew was a sudden irrepressible pain, came from her right shoulder like a invisible sword just stabbed through her. The painful feeling of getting tore up alive spread to all her nerves within seconds, she clutched at her injured shoulder and collapsed to her knees, while trying to hide herself from a shriek.

“Good.” The devil now’s laughing, the nature of him showed thoroughly in his venomous voice. “Okay then, question two.” He plucked a key from somewhere and quickly opened the door of the cage. The two obnoxious masked men who brought the cage on a few minutes ago unexpectedly came back to her sight again, they walked into the cage under Bulshar’s gaze and carried Waverly out from both sides to the edge of the stage, with a look of them wanting to put her on a cross and make her a exhibit.

Bulshar walked insidiously to the back of Waverly, and Nicole’s vicious glare followed him along every movement, with the furious blaze in her eyes that could easily burn him to ashes. “Will you...”

“let her stretch her wings, and fly out free?” 

Nicole started to stand up, her whole body's trembling because of the pain but at that moment, she couldn't care less. She headed toward the stage firmly, even though she staggered at every step she took. She's pondering in her mind about what's the real question behind this sentence. _What does Bulshar actually want to hear, and how big is her chance to win this game over him?_

She took a deep breath, then said her answer with all her strength and courage.

"...I will. Even if that means she will fly away from me and I have to let go."

She saw Bulshar started to laugh with satisfaction, as an order for the two masked men to loose Waverly from the last strength that kept her standing; The look of Waverly’s powerless figure fell uncontrollably toward to ground made Nicole run to her insanely despite how bad her body’s hurting-

She felt Waverly’s cheek brush against hers, before the darkness again consumed her sight. In the void between dreams and reality, she suddenly remembered the hazy sound around her ears before she’s awoken. She could recognize it now: it was a whisper of what Doc had warned her about the Garden.

“Things in the Garden... they can’t kill you....... only thing.... will destroy you is........ your own... mind.” 


	2. A secret's out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so after I had a small party with my procrastination, I finally got my ass back and continued this, so I kinda wrote this in a bit rush and pls forgive me if I made more grammar mistake or stuff lol  
> Anyway I hope you guys will like this chapter as well!! Also spoiler alert: this one's like a one shot which doesn't have much relation with the last chapter(tho it actually does) I should change the tag to "Alternate Universe(s)" lmao  
> And I will shut up now. Enjoy!!!

Nicole woke up in the next morning, her body laid between a soft queen size bed and a quilt, then she realized she’s in her own bedroom. She snatched at the quilt that's covering her body; She can feel the silky surface and how it’s puffy with cotton filled in, without a doubt the touch of it felt real, meant everything else here was real as well.

_How did she get here all the way from that hall?_

Nicole tried move her right shoulder, and a stinging pain attacked her unexpectedly, she had to slightly curl up her body to withstand it, until it finally faded away after a while. _If the pain lingers, then what just happened really isn’t a dream?_ She carefully lifted her left hand to rub on her temples, after a hard blink of her eyes she raised her upper body and looked around. The decorations and everything stayed the same with her memory, although owing to the high frequency of she being in homestead lately, she still caught a sense of unfamiliar in the air; She then noticed the quilt of the other side of bed was removed artificially, seemed like someone had been slept on there.

Her mind automatically went to someone specific, and it definitely cheered her up more than a bit. She got off from bed in a hurry and walked out of the room, trotted toward downstairs with a merrily twinkle in her eyes, while called out tentatively: “Waverly..? Are you here?”

Nobody replied. And the living room and kitchen seemed empty. Nicole couldn't help but feel the smile on her face was replaced by upset and disappointment after she checked everywhere but didn't find the person she's so urgently wanting to find. She walked to the couch and sat down with her head lowed, reached up her hands to muffle her careworn face with a dejected sigh, as if she could restrain all the negative emotions from diffuse to the other parts of her body in that way.

She breathed deeply, reminded herself to stay positive, then loosed her hold. She started to stare at the front in a daze, with a mind that’s currently absenting. She saw a note stuck on the coffee table in front of her from the corner of her eyes, so she reached out to take it off.

The first thing caught Nicole’s attention wasn’t about what was written on the note, but the words themselves; She knew in her heart that these were not Waverly’s handwriting, although the style and tone of it did look familiar in some way. She turned her attention back on the sentence that’s made by a few quite simple words:

“Out to buy breakfast, will return soon.”

Apparently the only one person that would speak to her like that is-

The sound of the door bolt being slid hit Nicole by surprise and startled her hard. She ran to the back of the couch vigilantly and checked around, attempted to find something that could use as a weapon or just something to protect herself, but she saw none. It’s probably too late to go upstairs and get her gun, so she had to do this fight with bare hands. She carried up the awareness of facing death, eyes fixed on the static door in this tense atmosphere while gulping a heavy swallow.

The door was abruptly unlocked and pushed a bit toward inside. “I’m back.” The voice of someone’s talking leaked into the house from the chink, with the support of the cold freezing air from outside, and it immediately composed Nicole and made her put down all the guard. The tension’s gone cause she could totally recall that voice; She smiled spontaneously, because the suspense got answered now, she watched as the person she once shared days and nights together closed the door and walked toward her. No wonder some of her blurry memories were evoked in her head when she looked at the note, the person who wrote it down was one particular person: her ex wife Shae.

_Wait._

_Why is Shae in Purgatory? More specifically, why is she in her house and... wrote her a note like that?_ Nicole stared at the dark haired woman with her mouth wide opened. She looked so calm and comfortable as if she’s in her own house, and she just put a bag of bread and two cups of coffee on the table so casually- Nicole felt hundreds of questions’ wandering in her mind that she didn’t even know she should start with which one.

Shae picked up her coffee and took a sup under her watch. Then she noticed Nicole didn’t join her as her expected.

“Nicole?” She turned her head to look at Nicole who’s still hiding behind the arm of the couch, asked in a confused tone. “What are you doing? My shift is gonna start soon, there’s no time to waste if you want me to--”

“Why are you here?” The words just slipped from Nicole’s mouth and cut her off. And from look she saw on the other woman’s face, she figured Shae’s as lost as she was.

“What are you even talking about here Nicole?” Shae put the coffee back onto the table, then stood up and walked closer to her. “Why are you acting so strangely today?” She said with the obvious worried in her eyes, reached out a hand to touch Nicole. “Are you having a fever or something?”

Nicole instinctively caught her hand before it reached to her face, and stopped her. “Shae.” She looked at the dark haired woman in eyes, didn’t miss how she’s amazed by her move, made her expression tighten for a second. “Please answer me this. Why are you in my house?”

Still Shae didn’t seem to understand her words. “Nicole...” She looked away, dropped herself into pondering, then deflected the subject with a pair of brooding eyes. “this is my house too, Nicole, don’t you remember?”

“What do you mean by that...?” Nicole released Shae’s hand, took a step backward, fear showed clearly in her shaking voice.

But Shae didn’t take her back, instead she reached out both hands and gently put them on Nicole’s shoulders, this time she didn’t reject. “We’re married aren’t we, Nicole? My application was accepted, finally, so I moved in with you around a month ago. Weren’t you so ecstatic when I told you about it?” 

Nicole tried to find signs of Shae’s just joking with her, but the concern, a bit delight and even the tenderness in her eyes told her the opposite.

 _They’re still... married?_ She chewed Shae’s words in her mouth, hear them repeated in her ears like a devil’s whispering. She felt like struck straightly by the lightning, her head was dizzy and everything turned upside down, she just stuck in the middle and tolerated with the dazzle and vertigo passively, tried her best not to pass out. She somehow felt she’s more sober than ever after the phase was over, her eyes’ open widely in disbelief, and mouth gasping rapidly; Because she was too shocked and forgot to breathe, or she’s drowned in a sea and struggling to live? She didn’t know either. All she knew was the strong grasp on her heart and made it unable to beat, she seemed lost the gravity, her feet left the ground and floating above, she had no choice but trod on the thin air and existed unsteadily. Everything she saw became vaguer and further and further away due to the absence of her consciousness... Shae, her house, Purgatory,

_Waverly._

_If she's didn't get divorced with Shae and even, living with her now, then Waverly..._

“Nicole, baby?” Shae called out softly. “Are you okay?”

The sound woke up from a sorrowful daydream.

“Don’t call me baby, please.” Hearing the pet name that she loves to hear from her lover said by another woman hurt her more than anything, like a sting to the nerve, did nothing but made her miss Waverly more.

“Only one person can call me like that...” Nicole gazed at her, both so painfully and seriously. “I need to talk some things out with you, Shae.”

“Nicole, you don’t look well and you’re being weird, I think we should go to the hospital first-”

“No.” Nicole said with finality. “I can’t be with you, Shae. I’m in love with someone else.” She draped her hands on Shae’s, as a gesture to tell her to let go of her shoulders.

She could see Shae started to panic within seconds. “But, you’re my wife and...”

“Hey Shae, listen to me ok?” Nicole tried to persuaded her, her voice was extra soft that induced the woman in front of her looked up and saw straight at her hazel eyes, Nicole hoped she would understand how sorry and sincere she was. “I don’t know what happened or what’s going on or anything, but I remember I already asked you to sign the divorce paper and we should’ve been apart since long ago. We separated even before I moved here, besides, we both agreed that marriage was nothing but a total disaster, didn’t we?” Shae frowned hearing that sentence, but said nothing to interrupt her.

“I wasn’t in love with you, or anyone else before...” Nicole paused, as if the upcoming words got consumed by her thoughts.

“until I came here, and met someone. I met a girl names Waverly, and for the first time I’m in love.” The memories of Waverly created a blear figure of her in Nicole’s brain, and she couldn’t help but grin at it from the bottom of her heart. “And she’s only person I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I’m sorry, Shae, but I can’t betray my heart and tell you else, I can’t keep it as a secret so I don’t hurt you with the truth, but trust me it’s gonna hurt us both a lot more in the future if I lie.”

Nicole wanted to say something more to comfort the dark haired woman who’s currently speechless and lost, but she remembered she had something more urgent to do. She gave her a guilty smile, and avoid her wistful sight that’s lingering on her intentionally so she wouldn't hesitate about her decision. “I have to go now, there's something I need to deal with as soon as possible... we'll talking about the divorce thing later okay? I’m so sorry Shae, I know it’s unfair but this has to be done.” She walked toward the door and extracted her phone and key out of the pocket hastily. Soon she reached the exit, turned the knob and pulled the door open. She managed to get a phrase out after a few moments of silence. “I’m going,” She said, and greeted her goodbye when Shae turned her head to look at her. She didn’t check the other woman’s reaction anymore, shut the door lightly and walked straight toward the patrol car she parked just meters away.

She unlocked the car and slipped into the driver seat, then slammed the door close, leaned on the rigid leather cover, felt relax after a long exhausted sigh. She turned the heating on, and just sat there quietly for like hours, until her body finally agreed to let the warmth in and make her feel alive again...

-

She drove to homestead, already saw Wynonna and Doc were training again. Nicole could feel the tension in that yard, even from afar- both of them were preparing, waiting, holding their breath so they wouldn’t miss a single mistake the other made.

Then she drove closer, the sound of wheels crushed over gravels became a inevitable noise. She saw Doc looked over Wynonna and noticed her, gestured to Wynonna and called a truce with her. That’s how that brunette with leather jacket on turned her back and faced her; Nicole looked through the windshield, saw the expression of hers was a little strangle, she couldn’t figure if she’s excited or sulky... not that kind of joyful countenance you’d show to a good friend, anyway.

Nicole parked her car outside of homestead, basically got off hurriedly at the moment it stopped. She watched Wynonna put her dagger back in the scabbard that’s wrapped around her waist, and strode to her rapidly. Thought the brunette’s attempting to give her a big hug, Nicole was just gonna stretch her arms, but the next thing she knew was an unexpectedly blunt pain combined with fiercely anger hit her left cheek, and she’s thrown to the ground by the impact, tasted the sweet smell of blood. The scorching feeling lasted on her face, her shoulder started to hurt again because of the intense collision, and Wynonna’s trembling fist lingered above her.

“Wynonna!” Doc called out, he took a step toward them, tried to convince this extremely angry Wynonna to calm down. But of course, he failed.

“Shut up Doc.” Wynonna turned her head for a second and yelled at him. Doc knew she’s not gonna listen to him, besides it’s not his place to say anything more, so he stayed at his spot, didn’t walk further. Wynonna then looked back at Nicole, there’s nothing in her deep blue eyes but cold and distant. “How dare you to come back here, you asshole?” She fumed, knelt on Nicole and grabbed on her collar, “Liars like you are not welcomed here. I really thought you’re better than this, Nicole, but guess I was wrong.”

Nicole was still a bit muddled after just got punched intensely on face, “What did I do-” Then she saw how Wynonna was staring at her with clearly disappointed, and grievous which she only has seen on her face when Waverly got hurt. She suddenly understood the situation; “you all knew that already?”

Nicole’s reaction apparently irritated Wynonna more. “What, you wanna hide it from us forever?!” She grabbed at her collar even harder, a kind of hate that’s strong enough to tear her up with just the look of it reflected in her ink blue eyes, chaotic like it’s having a rainstorm inside. Wynonna wanted to say something tougher, but she thought about her sister, which undoubtedly made her softer. She lowered her eyes hesitantly, wrinkled her brows and loosen the grab on Nicole.

“Do you know Waverly... do you know how hurt she was, after she figured out about that...?”

Heard that name she missed so much spoke out by others, it’s like a extended hand toward a person who’s about to drown in the river, made her forget everything else and take the hand immediately: “How is Waverly? Is she okay?” Her eyes again met Wynonna’s which were currently glaring at her, her voice became less confident. “...I probably don’t even have right to ask though, since it’s all my fault that she got hurt.”

“Yeah you really don’t. You betrayed your promise to me and hurt her.” Wynonna said, her voice was ice cold. She looked exhausted, as if all her strength was drained out from the conversation, or she’s preparing for a final eruption. She remained silent for a while, then lowed her head, eyes’ straying everywhere and looked a bit lost. The energy around her had changed to a calmer one.

“I’d never seen her like that before. You know I never really forgave myself for leaving her behind when she’s little, after... all the shit things happened. I don’t regret I made that decision though; I was a completely mess and it’s easier for her to live better life without my bad influence to her, I guess. But, I didn’t think of how she’s gonna react to it, after all. How could I expect she to hurt less than me when she just, woke up the other day and figured her sister, her family, the most important person to her in the world was gone without a word.” Nicole just listened, knew the brunette needed this lash out cause, god know how long this woman had been saving all these words to herself. She listened quietly with empathy, but also a bit scared to hear what she might gonna say next.

She could hear the clearly shaking in Wynonna’s voice, she’s gritting her teeth, trying to hold herself from getting overwhelming so she could proceed. “Yet that day she ran toward me in the homestead after she got back from your house, I saw how lonely she looked in a world of nothing but snow, and that picture stuck in my mind. I’d never seen her so desperately craving for a hug; Her head was on my shoulder and she whispered to me, that you’re already married to someone that’s not her.” She looked directly at Nicole, those eyes that were just went through a rainstorm now floating nothing but sadness on the dark blue sea face. Nicole felt heartbroken seeing her best friend like this.

“She then slowly left the embrace, her face- god dammit, her eyes were red and swollen like a rabbit, and she’s holding back so hard so she wouldn’t cry in front of me, her whole body was shaking for that and she still fucking smiled at me you know? She told me that’s better, that you would be safer that way, cause the Earp family is all about unfortunate and disaster.” Wynonna paused, her eyes were reddish from narrate her version of story.

“Now tell me, is it really the reason that you left her? That you think she’s just a burden and you cheated on her for that, you selfish assholely... coward?!” Although Wynonna was blustering, but there’s still sparkles in her eyes, seemed expecting a negative answer.

“It’s not like that, Wynonna, let me explain--” Nicole saw her eyes brightened predictably, but it’s gone as fast as it came. After all, between the existed fact and her oral conscience, it’s already so obvious of which one Wynonna would believe.

“I don’t wanna hear more of your bullshit. We don’t welcome douchebag here on our land, and I don’t want Waverly to notice you’ve came back here after what you had done. So you better leave now,” Wynonna jerked the dagger out again, the look she threw to Nicole was as sharp as the sliver blade. “or I will kill you.”

“Wynonna,” Doc interrupted them after a long silence. He walked toward Wynonna and stopped beside her, reached out one hand and put it on her shoulder as a comfort. “that’s enough. I know she did something terrible, but still Nicole was our friend.”

_Was._

The word created invisible hands, reached to her from her back and strangled her before she could escape. She felt harder and harder to breathe, her sight was a blur, and so was the argument surrounded her ears: Wynonna refuted aggressively, each one of her words was like a knife stabbing at her heart.

“Did you forget how heartbroken Waverly was? How she’s been impassive and emotionless even since that day they broke up?

Don’t tell me you feel nothing seeing her like that.

My baby sister don’t even talk to me anymore...

The fuck she was my friend!”

Doc gave a dispirited look toward Nicole, he sighed, reluctantly and unhappily made his statement.

“Nicole... just go, and don’t ever come back. For Waverly’s sake.”

And it made her heart instantly dropped to the bottom.

The weight upon her was gone as well-- Wynonna released her from her anger, stood up and knocked the dust off from her pants, then walked away from her along with Doc.

Nicole knew if she just stayed there, watched everything faded away and not at least tried to do anything to fix it, she’s gonna lose them all for real this time. So she climbed up from the ground, ignored all the pain that’s holding her back and shouted, with full of desperation and strength in her voice: “Wynonna!” It’s like a thunder, shocked everyone included herself with how eager she wanted to turn thing around, the hopefulness but also mixed with despair of how impossible it seemed like. The owner of the name turned her head back toward Nicole, with a hint of surprise in her eyes.

Nicole took a step toward the porch steadily, then took another. “Please, let me see Waverly. There’s something wrong, I don’t know what happened, but I still love her and I love her only. Let me talk with her face to face and I’ll explain everything to her, okay? We can work this out.” Her sight didn’t leave Wynonna even for a moment, so she knew this woman’s not taking any of her words in.

“No.” Wynonna answered without the least hesitation. “You better get out of here before I lost my patient and k-”

“Then kill me.” Nicole’s now right in front of Wynonna, she grabbed the brunette’s wrist which had a dagger holding in her hand, dragged it to her chest and twisted it to make the peak of the dagger point toward her heart. “Are you crazy?!” Wynonna was startled by her move, loosed her grip of the sharp and it fell to the ground.

“I know it sounds odd, but I don’t love Shae, and I don’t have any intent to stay in this marriage. I know that no matter what I say right now, you won’t believe it cause for some reason, yes we’re still married; And that is a mistake I’m urgent to correct.” She said sincerely, with certain and crazy factors in it. “Just please let me talk to Waverly for once, Wynonna. If my words can’t convince you, then you can cut open my chest and see how true I was meant with every single word and how my heart only beats for the most cherish sister of yours.”

Wynonna’s eyes were wavering on her, seemed like she’s trying to find the proof of Nicole’s just joking about it, instead the disbelief only turned to be lessen on her face.

Finally, she just sighed, her words were relented with relief. “This is the last time I put any trust on you, redhead. You better don’t let me down.” She paused, then added in a more serious tone. “But, if you fuck things up again, you know what’s gonna happen right?”

“I know. I would never do that, Wynonna, I promise. I love her too much to hurt her again.” Nicole gave her a faint smile. Wynonna just replied with a “uh huh”, and Doc stood by and gave her an approving nod.

Before she walked pass Wynonna, the brunette gave her one last tap on shoulder and stopped her. “Sorry I that punched you, dude.”

“Haha, it’s okay, I guess I deserved that.” Nicole said wryly.

“Yep, you did deserve it.” The hand on Nicole’s shoulder was retrieved back, and she could see Wynonna’s smiling from the corner of her eyes.

Nicole breathed out with relief, started to walk with more springy steps onto the porch, and took one last look behind the moment she put one hand on the knob; Strangely Wynonna and Doc were already gone and no where to be found in the yard anymore, only a few snowflakes started to fall silently from the pale white sky.

However she’s not in the mood to admire such a desolate view. Nicole then turned the knob, walked into another world without looking back.


	3. Save yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UDPATE TIMEEEEEE  
> first, sorry for the waiting(is a week long? dunno) guys, a lot of things got me lately, like being sick and my brother's disturbing me all the time, bla bla bla. but I finally made chapter 3 out anyway, yay!!!  
> Hope you guys like this chapter :)  
> *warning: strong violent contents*

Sweet melody of a country music sang beside her ears, such delightful like the sunshine after a spring rain cleaned up the gray sky.

It made Nicole remember the time her uncle and aunt drove her across the Rocky Mountains. The sun of Calgary was genial, shone on the ground and melted the cover of snow; Dense, lush forests extended endlessly on both side along with the road, she remembered the magnificent view of limpid lake that looked like a cyan amber, while looked up she could see the uninterrupted hills with snow drew the outline of their peaks like a white chalk. The air among the mountains was a bit cold, but she could hear birds’ singing the most refreshing songs whenever she rolled down the window and breathed in some fresh air.

She remembered the music filled in the car, and happiness flowed fluently in the small space of their world, thicker than the breezing heat; She remembered the album called "oko town" was looping during the whole trip- she heard some of the songs in it at another town years after by chance; She remembered how her uncle was such a terrible singer, he sang loudly along with the song always made her and aunt laughed hard; She remembered being so close with her uncle and aunt, they always shared everything happened in their life with each other, and told her so many funny stories they’d met.

Nicole thought her life would stay carefree and joyful like that forever.

But everything changed at the year she turned 6. Her world turned upside down because of an unexpected tragedy, and made her walked onto a completely different path of fate in the future.

And that devastating tragedy reappeared on her 26. What behind the front door of homestead wasn’t the much familiar living room as she imagined, but a forest of thriving birch trees that once carved in her memory. The sound of a band’s playing on the festival subtly reached her ears from some distance away, she looked around with a theory in her mind-- unsurprisingly, on the direction of a river laid, she saw a small canoe stranded on a quite obvious spot.

_Is this some kind of time travel and she just backed to 20 years ago...?_

Even though after a series of strange things she just encountered, the sudden change of the scene didn’t really bring Nicole any more emotional waves in her heart, but when she saw the little girl in the camp who’s currently holding a stick and playing alone, it just got her again- she could totally recognize the clothing and the expression on the girl’s face, a feeling of deja vu was screaming in her head. Nicole could almost be sure that this little girl right in front of her is the young version of herself. It made her exclaim spontaneously.

The little “Nicole” heard her scream, looked up from her personal play world and checked on her with confusion on her face. Nicole tried so hard to not freak out so she didn’t startle the small self of her who’s actually standing there and goggling at her. She took a few deep breath incessantly then greeted at her uncertainly. “You... you can see me?”

“Of course I can,” the young looking Nicole answered with a lilting tone, those naive, chocolate colored eyes that’s exactly like hers stared at her curiously. “are you here to join the music festival too?” She asked.

“Oh, um... yeah.” Nicole lied, tried her best to make it sound convincible.

“Ohhh. But the show had started already, over that way.” The little girl pointed at the direction where music came to the camp intermittently. Saw the older girl didn’t make a move at all, she asked again. “Aren’t you going?”

“How about you? Aren’t you going?”

The little girl just stayed crouching on the ground and gave Nicole an uneasy look. “...I don’t really wanna go. I lied to my aunt, said I was feeling a bit uncomfortable and wanna rest in the camp.” She smiled briefly with an apology look. “I just wanted to play detective game here.”

Nicole couldn’t hold her suspense anymore. “Hey kid...” She knelt down so their sight lines were on the same level. “can you tell me what your name is?”

The little girl nodded. “Nicole Haught.” 

Nicole’s not really surprised hearing that name spoke by the other girl, since she’d already had the assumption, although it did feel odd to really consider about it. _So this is the 6 years old her in front of her? Why is she here and why can she see her? Is this an_ _alternative universe and what_ _’_ _s the time? She needs to figure out the situation as fast as possible._

Nicole was just about to ask something, a familiar but childish voice appeared around her ears again. “Would you like to play with me... miss?” She asked nervously, hands held tighter on that stick. “But it’s okay too if you have something else to do.”

Nicole couldn’t help but become softer when she saw how anxious the little girl looked. She gave her a reassuring smile, but just right before she gonna answer “of course”, the music that had been surrounding them during the whole conversation abruptly and weirdly stopped. Nicole instantly realized what’s gonna happen next. She knew now that nothing had changed because of her participation, what meant to happen was gonna happen after all. The awareness made the air she’s inhaling started to get heavy.

“...Nic,”Nicole decided to call her by nickname. “stay here and wait for me, I’ll be right back ok?” She said with great seriousness, reached out and gently put both hands on the other girl’s shoulders, looked at her sincerely when she saw the puzzled look in her eyes. She saw Nic nodded meekly, sighed with relief and helped the girl to stand up with her together, then left her to walk toward the festival area alone with vigilance in every step she took.

Around 5 or 6 seconds after, she heard the first scream, came from the exact place she’s heading to. She immediately turned her head to check on Nic; Saw the little girl was just standing there timidly with a countenance of her trying to act bravely, Nicole gave her a positive smile, as a way to tell her that she will protect her. And she did see Nic looked a bit less scared after that. Made sure the little girl’s ok for now, Nicole turned her attention back to the incoming danger, prepared to face her nightmare once again.

She heard another scream. Then they became more and more and frequent, like the fire in a world war. Nicole kept her eyes on every direction, not dare to loose any bit of vigilance even for a second, or just miss a single movement of the leaves rustled whenever there’s a breeze blew over. Pinpricks of cold sweat rolled down from her forehead, a few heavy swallows from herself repeated and became the loudest sound in her head.

Due to there’s only a few stray slender trees ahead the path she’s walking on, Nicole noticed a black silhouette on the snowfield even before she got close to it. She walked toward that indistinct thing cautiously; Slowly she recognized it’s a man who’s wearing a dark down coat and laying on the ground, with his limbs twisted into a morbid form. But what’s even creepier was the look on face he’s giving to her: a pair of eyes filled with fear and reluctance, wide opened and pupils overly shrank to make them look quite spooky; blood oozed from his nose and his mouth hung half open. The scarlet, sticky fluid remained leaked out from his body, made the crime scene looked as if this lifeless man’s floating on a grisly red river which came from underground and about to consume him whole.

Nicole could no longer stare at it anymore, she felt sick, a feeling of nausea was surging in her stomach. She managed to overcome the dizziness that's getting clear and blurred her sight, walked faster and carefully rounded him.

 _This man's probably the first person who figured something was wrong and tried to run away, yet he failed, got caught and killed brutally because their enemy is too powerful and ruthless-_ Nicole made a speculation of the situation quietly in her heart, cause she then saw more dead bodies. They're being piled up by twos or threes, like toys the kids threw away because they'd accidentally broken them or lost interest in them. But the differences were the obvious bleeding wounds that were strewed their torsos, and the equal ghastly look on their faces; They swept the atmosphere from joyous and vibrant like it’s supposed to be, and made it a natural graveyard where the pungent smell of blood glutted the air.

Screams and commotions still came from time to time, her head was buzzing and heart’s hanging high.

After what she felt like a century, she finally made it to the end of this bloody trail: right down of an improvised platform that’s several feet away, she realized there’s only two people, a man and a woman she thought, survived besides her; Although from how they’re sitting there hopelessly, a guy with the familiar black leather uniform and beret on who’s undoubtedly the reason of so many deaths- stood in front of them, she knew they wouldn’t be able to make it out here alive. Nicole saw a sliver light sparkled when the solider’s hand was on the hilt of a machete he’s carrying on his back. Somehow she found herself reflected on its blade with her pale, bloodless face that’s soused with terror.

The guy in black uniform lifted up his hand that’s holding the machete; Nicole knew she couldn’t just watch this happen in front of her eyes, she searched desperately on every inch of her clothes and the empty field around her with a strand of hope. _But there_ _’_ _s nothing, god_ _’_ _s not on her side, she got nothing to fight this man! How is she gonna stop him...?_

_Does she even have the ability to stop him and save them...?_

The solider didn’t hesitate at all, his blade cut through the air and chopped off a life that’s still breathing in that female body at the last moment. A horrid scream echoed miserably in the forest, and all Nicole could see became splashing blood, as if that woman who was treated not much better than an annoying bush fly was her, she’s the one got killed and mangled for nothing but a bit entertainment, she guessed. Her mind became a complete blank after witnessed everything happened under the stage, she just gazed numbly at this savage killing show: the innocent man was terrified as he watched his companion was slain within seconds. His legs were too weak to stand up so he crawled backwards restlessly, with his whole body trembling in fear; When he figured the murderer didn’t mind his small intention of escape at all, but kept that scary machete of his in that woman’s body and stirring, he became ecstatic like he just grasped a straw, suddenly had the strength to pick himself up and run. But he got caught right after a few steps, the solider teleported to him and before the man had time to react, the red blade with blood dripping was already inside his body.

 _She couldn_ _’_ _t even help them. She doesn_ _’_ _t have the power, she can_ _’_ _t confront him; she_ _’_ _s weak after all, right?_

Nicole once again looked around the place with dazed eyes. Dead, dead, dead, all dead, all screaming about how unhelpful she was. She hated the fact she could do nothing but stand there watch them dying. She cursed herself for being useless, that’s when she glanced a familiar color on the ground, and everything paused along with her heart.

Despite the blood had hideously covered the most of their countenance, she could still recognize the souls that were once resided in those bodies according to the shapes and clothing; Nicole placed a hand over her mouth to stop herself from whimper out.

Her uncle and aunt.

The middle part of their clothes were tore up brutally, a mark which left her an indelible memory was tattooed obtrusively on their bare skin. It’s a mark of crime, a mark she just saw again not long ago in that strip bar, a evil and diabolic mark that you just need to see once, and it will stick in your mind for the rest of your life. It evoked the flashbacks of memory fragments about that massacre in bar, and the pictures and words records she found in the file from Black Badge. Her stomach was tumbling with disgust, felt like she could pass out in any moment.

A crow squawked and flew over her head, broke the odd silence around the forest. Nicole realized the battle had ended, everything was settled down and quiet except the subtle sound of tearing life apart. Nicole suddenly remembered that Nic was still in the camp waiting for her, at the mean time that leather guy seemed about to turn his head toward her. She could choose to go and fight him with bare hands right now, or she could--

Her body reacted first than her mind, turned back and ran toward the same direction as she came. She ran so hastily, shoes stamped on the ground with every step she took, she didn’t even have time to consider if that guy had noticed her and followed. All she could think about was she need to protect that 6 years old girl. _She_ _’_ _s so young, and she hadn_ _’_ _t even had the chance yet to see much of this world...!_

 _She can_ _’_ _t watch more people die for meaningless reason... not even herself._

She ran and ran, ignored the pain of overload her body, till that tiny figure finally reappeared in her sight. She saw how Nic was looking so frightened and concerned, but immediately brightened the moment they made eye contact. The little girl watched her getting closer, then asked nervously, “What happened on the music festival? Is it something bad? I heard a lot horrible noises...”

Nicole slowed her step, she stopped and squatted in front of Nic, after a moment of silence, practiced to speak stably in a tender voice. “Do you trust me, Nic?”

“Yes.” Nic answered unhesitatingly.

Nicole smiled at how unsuspecting this kid was. “I’m glad,” She pointed at the one and only canoe that stranded on the riverside. “Help me to push that canoe into the river, and I’ll tell you what happened on the festival, okay?”

“Okay.”

Nicole didn’t dare waste any time, she held Nic’s hands and trotted to the riverside. “There’s a bad guy intruded in the music festival, and he’s hurting everyone there.” She pushed the rear of the canoe, while getting those words out of her mouth. “Your aunt...” She paused for a moment, decided it’s better to tell her the truth. “she’s killed by the bad guy.”

“...and so was my uncle?” Nic asked, although the grief on her face clearly told that she already knew the answer. Nicole hated to see that expression, but she could do nothing about it, so she just nodded sadly. “So it’s dangerous to stay here, I need to take you to a safe place.” 

She did one last push and get the canoe into the water effortlessly. “Alright, you first.” Nicole cheered herself up a bit in her brain, tapped the border of the canoe and implied Nic to get in, did her best to make up a smile.

Nic climbed nimbly into the cabin, Nicole followed her and got in as well. The narrow cabin could barely fit in two people, but Nic didn’t complain at all, she even took the paddle actively, attempted to do the work herself. However she’s not really strong enough yet to row a boat that’s carrying two people. “Hey, it’s okay, let me do it.” She took the paddle Nic passed her unwillingly, started to row in a more skilful way.

Nicole watched as the same view repeated and fell back, the air surround them became more and more quiet, the tune of paddle stretched into the water and brought up spray regularly became the only sound left. After all the agonizing things she went through in such a short time, Nicole found this moment of peace was extremely relaxing, she couldn’t help but close her eyes and enjoy the present for a second. But she knew her job was not done yet- she looked again at the young girl sat opposite to her and didn’t say a single word since they got on the canoe, currently lost in her own thought. Her head’s lowed, Nicole couldn’t see her emotion, but she could feel the sad energy around the little girl. She decided to try cheer this girl up. “Hey, Nic.”

“Yes?” Nic put herself out of a daze, wiped her eyes hurriedly and looked up at Nicole.

“I know how horrible you must be feeling right now. I feel sorry for you, Nic, I really do.” Nicole said with empathy. “But, everything’s gonna be ok. Your life will get better and better, and you will meet good friends and family and someone you love so much.” She smiled at the imagination. “You will find your home.”

“Remember, don’t ever let it go once you found it.”

She noticed they already arrived the downstream. She put the paddle back in the cabin, helped Nic to go ashore with her on somewhere the water flowed more gently. They didn’t go too far before Nicole saw a familiar navy blue uniform showed in their sight, the man in it was walking toward them. Nicole felt her heart was warmer when she saw the 20 years younger version of Randy Nedley.

She greeted, and brought Nic toward him. “Sher- officer,” _it felt weird calling him like that, she thinks._ “this kid got lost in the forest, she’s frightened, can you bring her to somewhere safe?”

“Of course, come with me.” Nedley answered passionately. He checked at them for a moment, then turned on his intercom and reported the situation. Then he squatted in front of Nic, said gently like a father. “Hey little kiddo, wanna go take a look of the police station?” Nic nodded in excitement.

“Do you want me to find someone to play with you? I have a little baby in my house, she’s so tiny and cute... do you like babies? Oh, and I have a friend, he has 3 little girls, the oldest names Willa, younger one names Wynonna, and the youngest is the same age with my kid, her name is Waverly...” He talked about them enthusiastically, while taking Nic to walk out of the forest.

Nicole was shocked for a while when she heard Waverly’s name, she wanted to go along with them, only saw them already walked further away and disappeared in a white fog. She walked quickly into the fog, tried to find them in this illusive barrier, unexpectedly saw another figure that without a doubt, was belonged to someone she’s missing so much. Nicole ran toward that shadow with every strength in her and embraced it. Cold fabric, soft skin, those were the last words showed in her head before her world went ****all black****.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spin off: the album I mentioned at the very start of this chapter was actually came out at 2012, so it's not possible for Nicole to listen to it in 90s lmao  
> BUT THIS IS AN AU SO & I LOVE THE ALBUM SO JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO IT hahahahahahaha


	4. Welcome to Purgatory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this extremely long chapter finally came out... sorry for the waiting haha  
> I'm not gonna say much here, just *ahem* this is gonna be a emotional rollercoaster so buckle up gays  
> enjoy :)

“nicole...”

_She heard someone’s calling her name faintly from far away_ _; But it's so feeble so at first, she couldn't even be sure if it's real or not._

“Nicole....... Nicole.....”

_The sound echoed in her head while the owner of the voice seemed got closer._

“Nicole!”

Nicole startled at the yell, instantly opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was Wynonna, her face’s covered by shadow and concern, which she didn’t expect to see at all; Then she saw the pale white, a lifeless sky decorated by some bare trunks of birch, placed sparsely at the corner of her eyes. For a moment she couldn’t think of anything-- until her memory realized its owner had regained her consciousness, it burst in her brain without any warning, and made her feel dizzy. She winced and shut her eyes, intended to restrain the pain.

“Nicole?” The voice appeared again, but a lot more clear and filled with worry this time.

She reopened them, slowly concentrate her sight on the speaker which was Wynonna. She couldn’t figure if this was a dream or reality, or another hallucination- her mind was a mess, she only remembered to open her mouth blankly; Her throat was feverish and sore because of dehydration, her voice was hoarse and as dry as the place it came. “Wy...nonna?”

The brunette released a heavy sigh, looked like she'd been holding it for a long time. “Thank god you're okay, Nicole. Sorry we left you do this fight alone in the Garden.” Her expression was then replaced by her classic smile. “But you made it, and you did a good job, dude.”

“Wait.” Nicole felt goosebumps jumped on her skin as soon as she heard what Wynonna just said; Like someone in a coma suddenly woke up after laid on bed for years, she felt confused, puzzled, unable to understand anything at first, then surprised for the normal life god returned to her, and finally her eyes were twinkled with joy and vitality. _Is everything surrounds her truly belonged to a real world? They’re no longer a part of the incessantly illusions she’s just experienced right?_ She reached out to touch the ground: solid gravels and lumpy soils were painfully freezing and a little moist under her hand, probably because the snow on top of them just melted not long ago; Comfortable breeze brushed her face like a feather of angel’s wing. She looked up again at the expression on Wynonna’s face, knew that she’s sincerely happy for the returning of her friend. She felt sober after she’d missed it in so many worlds, and asked cheerily and curiously like a kid who just received a Christmas present: “I’ve gotten out of the Garden? This is not a part of it anymore, isn’t it?” She hastened to add just a few seconds later. “And what about Waverly? Where is she?”

Wynonna just gave her an ignorant look, “A part of what...?” But she didn’t seem to have the patience to figure it out, turned her head in the next second and answered the second question Nicole gave her instead. “Waverly’s there.”

Nicole followed the guide and turned her head as well, immediately noticed two familiar figures as soon as she’s on the right direction- Doc’s kneeling on the forest with Waverly in his arms, one hand’s tenderly lifting her head; His body was bowing, and shins’ buried between the leaves and soil, stoic blue eyes looked straightly at them with questions.

But all Nicole knew was _her girl is safe_.

She couldn’t wait for even just one more second, got up from Wynonna’s worried embrace ecstatically and walked toward Waverly with unbalanced steps. The movement caused a few stretches of her sore muscles, and the sharp pain of it caught her right away; But she just managed to ignore them all, didn’t slow her step till she’d came beside Waverly, _her lover,_ then knelt down with a flop, reached out a hand to touch her face. The smaller woman didn’t react to the touch. The expression on her face stayed still, and looked extremely peaceful. A sense of foreboding filled in her heart, she looked toward Doc with fear in her voice. “She...”

“Waverly is okay. Her breathing is steady, so she’s probably just in deep sleep.” Doc reassured her with a comforting smile. He then looked up at Wynonna who’s silently came closer to them. He nodded at the brunette, exchanged a knowing look.

“Let’s take Waverly out of here first.” Doc then turned his attention back to Nicole, “And you must be exhausted after everything, Nicole, you both are in need of rest.” He said in a slightly calm tone, but it’s not hard to find concern in his eyes.

Nicole nodded in agreement. She stood up more tardily and carefully this time, and that stinging pain she’d been ignoring on purpose immediately hit her. Wynonna somehow seemed to notice that, cause she then walked toward her side without a word, and lifted an arm to her; Nicole realized what she’s doing, hooked the other woman’s arm tacitly, and the languor that had been gathering since the moment she entered the Garden washed over her like a massive flood, made her feel nothing else but overwhelmed. She couldn’t help but felt more appreciate for Wynonna’s support on every weak step she took.

Doc picked Waverly up gingerly, then followed the two women walked out of the forest. After a short walk, a familiar pickup with blue and white stripes behind the tree line appeared in their sights, and finally looked complete when they’re outside the cursed wood. Wynonna left Nicole and trotted to open the passenger door of the car, in order for Doc to put the sleeping Waverly on backseat. He then retrieved himself from the car, looked toward Nicole and gestured her to get in. “Waverly needs you,” He patted on her shoulder. “go be there with her.”

“Thank you, Doc.” Nicole didn’t hesitate anymore, dragged her exhausted body into the car and sat beside Waverly. She couldn’t wait any longer to look closely on the smaller woman’s face, of how it’s dimmer under the shadow, calm and serenity energies visibly surrounded her. Her features looked milder when the sparkles in her beautiful hazel eyes that would make her look more dynamic and sometimes fierce, were covered under eyelids. A thrill of joy filled her heart with the awareness of this woman, the love of her life really had returned to her after a whole night of nightmares. Happiness came to her at dawn, it lifted her above the ground like cotton, and brought her to cloud nine;

She heard the fuzzy sound of Wynonna and Doc got in and started the car, but her mind wasn’t on them or anything else but the girl beside her. Nicole didn’t realize how much she missed this countenance that had carved in her mind till she finally saw her again, and she missed the soul inside this body that always made the best symphony with hers even more, it’s the purest thing she’d even known and made a person as beautiful and kind as this girl she loved so much was. She reached out and held Waverly’s cheek, gently rubbed it with her thumb like it’s a treasure of hers, and drunk with the soft feeling of her skin;

The pickup was jolted slightly on a rough road. Nicole carefully leaned on, and brought Waverly into a tender embrace. She found herself melted in a lovely moment like this, _she’s having her girl back and they’re returning_ ** _ **home**_**. Everything from the outside world turned to white noise, and slowly Nicole drifted off into a light sleep with the sweet tune of it.

-

A burst of familiar noise woke Nicole up. She opened her eyes, met a ray of sunshine mildly laid on her through a gauze curtain. _Waverly’s room._ She smiled at the surroundings, pulled the quilt that’s covering her body closer, sensed a smell of peaceful, normal life which she now would consider as “top level of happiness” after the terrible experience she had in the Garden. She closed her eyes to enjoy the quiet moment for a little longer, and let her body accustomed this feeling.

Nicole then remembered something. She turned over, satisfied when she saw Waverly’s with her- the smaller girl seemed noticed Nicole’s movement even in sleep, insecurity showed on her pretty face as she frowned, but unfolded them very soon and fell back to her dreamland again. Nicole stared at her, felt the soft and warm feeling of being wrapped in between mattress and quilt, and the body heat from her lover faintly reached to her, for a minute all she wished was to make this moment to last forever; But the sound of Wynonna’s cursing and beating the coffee maker up downstairs then broke through the thin walls of Homestead, and interrupted them in such an inappropriate timing.

Nicole sighed, pushed back her covers and got off gingerly. she’s relieved after made sure her movements didn’t disturb Waverly from her sleep, she crept out of the room and rushed to downstairs. She immediately found Wynonna in the kitchen, she’s leaning on the cabinet and drinking a cup of coffee already, her eyes were brightened at the moment she saw the redhead, and greeted her to come over. “Heyyy you’re awake, Haught,” She then put out a sad puppy face. “come make breakfast for me, I’m starving.”

Nicole gave her a disdainful look. “Why can’t you just learn to make it yourself, Wynonna?”

“Nope. I have you two with me anyway.” Wynonna grinned. She pointed at the coffee maker and two mugs beside her with the hand that’s not holding her coffee mug. “See? I even made you two coffee.” She said it so proudly that Nicole almost thought her next sentence’s gonna be “I want reward”.

“Oh how considerate, I’m gonna cry, thank you so much.” Nicole rolled her eyes, didn’t waste more time to bicker with the brunette and started to make pancakes; Wynonna instantly jumped up and left the kitchen while cheering, sat in front of the dining table with a fork in her hand, looked fully prepared. Nicole shook her head, tried to make herself look annoyed, but the unstoppable smile on her lips betrayed her. She just walked out from a horror movie called “Paradise”, a common daily life was too good to be true for her right now, after all.

The sweet smell of coffee and pancake pervaded the house. _She thinks about that now they no longer need to fight with the revenants or demons, or worry about the upcoming danger or battle that may gonna cost their life, there’s no Eden or Hell anymore, no more monsters or something strange to separate them, they have found their way to come back to each other again, so maybe this time, they can finally...._

_start a new life together, right?_

Nicole moved the last pancake out of the pan, then drizzled some syrup on the top. She placed a plate of pancakes in front of Wynonna who’s already drooling all over the table. “Love you Nicole~” The brunette said in a sing song tone, her eyes twinkled with excitement the moment she saw her breakfast. She didn’t waste a second to stab one pancake up and put into her mouth, then started to mumble in satisfaction. Nicole couldn’t help but giggled at Wynonna’s childish move.

“It’s about the time Waverly wakes up. I’m gonna bring her breakfast.” She took the other plate and two mugs that were filled with black coffee, attempted to leave kitchen.

“Wait,” Wynonna suddenly spoke out, put down her fork and stood up from chair. “I’m going with you.”

“Alright.” Nicole nodded, didn’t say anything more but walked back toward upstairs with Wynonna followed closely behind her. She walked into Waverly’s room, put the breakfast on the night table, then approached the sleeping girl snuggling in her bed. Wynonna just leaned on the door frame, knew better than interrupted their reunion. “Waves,” Nicole lowered her body to the bed and called softly. “it’s time to get up.” She said in an extra doting voice. Saw Waverly didn’t seem to hear her, Nicole called out her name a few times more, and gave a light touch to Waverly’s face with her hand.

Waverly’s finally woken up, she murmured in disapproval under her quilt, then slowly opened that charming hazel eyes of hers; She then noticed Nicole, noticed how she’s standing beside her, looking at her with full of tenderness. Nicole expected to see a expression of delight on her face, but instead she saw curiosity that’s pure like a child. “Nicole...? Why are you here?”

Nicole was shocked for a moment because of Waverly’s choice of words, but soon she realized why. “I brought you out of the Garden, my dear...” She’s smiling, voice’s caressing the air and sweet as honey, with a strand of joy for her lover’s waking up, and excitement for a pleasant prospect. She watched as Waverly got up a bit from bed, seemed wanted to hear more clearly of what she’s saying. “We’re home now.”

Waverly tilted her head and thought for a while. “I remember the Garden... dragged me in, then threw me to a place with nothing but snow and ice.” Nicole felt her heart was tightened while listened to Waverly talked about her experience. “It was so cold there....” Waverly seemed fell back into her memories along with her description, her lips’ shaking and breathing faster. Nicole wanted to lean closer and hold the smaller girl so she could bring her warmth and comfort, but this Waverly right now gave her a strange feeling of distance, which stopped her from moving further.

Waverly took a few deep breath, composed herself then started again, “I think I heard some people were talking about they’re gonna take my power, then I passed out, and... that’s all I can remember.”

Nicole looked at her with concern lingered in her gaze. Waverly’s eyes slowly met hers. “You’re saying it’s you saved me from the Garden?” Nicole nodded. “Thank you, Nicole.” She gave her a faint smile. Nicole was gonna say something, but interrupted by seeing Waverly opened her mouth again for her unfinished sentence. “But...” A puzzled look covered her limpid eyes.

“why did you call me ‘my dear’? What does that mean?” Waverly clutched on the quilt beside her hands, asked nervously. It’s almost impossible for her to miss how Nicole was frozen at the moment she asked out her question. Wynonna noticed the unusual situation as well, she walked over, she put one hand on Nicole’s shoulder and looked toward Waverly a bit urgently. “Babygirl, are you okay...?” She stared at her little sister who looked so lost, and clearly startled a bit when she saw her.

“Wynonna? You’re here too?” Waverly said, sounded both surprised and afraid.

Tension filled in the room, as if everything’s gonna fall apart completely with just one disharmonious tune. “Do you not want me to be here?” Wynonna asked hesitantly, but breathed in relief after she saw Waverly shook her head. “Of course I’m here, babygirl, you’re my sister right? Told you that you’re stuck with me forever.” She said half in jest, but Nicole knew she’s serious about it. Although her heart then hung with anxious along with Wynonna when she saw Waverly didn’t seem to catch any mood swings with Wynonna’s words.

“Waves?”

“Yes?” Waverly looked up and made eye contact with Wynonna. Nicole watched their interaction, a thought came to her mind unconsciously: _this girl, this Waverly she’d been missing so much for so long, somehow looked more fragile than ever now._

“The person you love has came back to you... we have you back with us, aren’t you happy about it? Weren’t you wanting to tell her something before you...” Wynonna’s voice went lower and lower, as if the unspoken truth was weighing on her.

Waverly didn’t respond for a long time. She seemed to be considering an answer of this question with all her intelligence, almost like she’s dealing with an abstruse mathematical problem, instead of a simple question which only required to answer yes or no. “But...” Finally she answered, sounded exhausted, blinked her eyes for a few times rapidly, and subtly bowed her head to avoid the two women’s gaze.

“What do you mean by ‘love’....?”

Nicole thought the world stopped at that moment. _Is there someone screaming beside her ear? So loud like continuously thunder which definitely just deafened her. Is that why she can’t hear anything anymore after that question?_ Her eyes were in a daze, looked vacantly at nowhere, forgot if she’s supposed to do or say anything. She saw the walls, window and the view outside, everything in front of her was collapsing and shattering like people were tearing the wallpapers off from the concretes, exposed the darkness behind its florid ornament on surface. It was void, a void that looked like it’s gonna devour them in the next second, a void that’s black as ink and full of unknown. She looked deep in it, for a moment her soul left her body, moved backward and watched everything happened from afar like she’s in a cinema; She saw Wynonna just stood there, still shocked, before she started to step onto this void, then knelt down on that bed which had became the only real existence in this nothingness, slowly and insecurely she hugged Waverly, the girl she loved more than anything. Nicole watched as they turned to be a part of this frail void.

Rims of her eyes were aching as her mouth hung open, words failed to come up, only for her to gulp air vigorously and hastily as if she’s having hypoxia. Then, a timely rain dropped on the dried out land, ran out from the corners of her eyes, flowed through her cheeks and left two itchy trails of water.

She fled from a deluge.

-

Nicole had been missing since the day she ran away from homestead. She spent all her time in the police station, drowned herself in work on the restoration of the town, avoided contacts with outside; She ignored the several phone calls from Wynonna, thankfully the brunette didn’t bother her more after the second day. 

She could barely remember anything happened in those days- time was fleeting and crumbling before she had a second to memorize. But somehow, a scene of her ring lighting up and glowing red frequently in the darkness stuck in her head. Four days passed, but fate seemed just started its game, brought everything Nicole’s so urgent to escape from back to her life, like an inseparable ghost of her past. A sudden knock on the door made her looked up from mountains of paperwork, and saw Wynonna was standing in the doorway, grabbing two beers in her hands. The strong sense of deja vu made Nicole feel lost for a brief moment.

“Tick tock tick tock, time for a break. Wanna have a drink with me, Miss sheriff?" Wynonna leaned on the door frame and swung the bottles of beer.

“I don’t have time for this, so no.” Nicole answered dryly, straightly turned down her invitation. She turned her attention back to the files in her hands, acted like she’s focusing on her job when her heart was actually stirred up by the unexpected visit of Wynonna. And the brunette seemed to notice that, or she just simply didn’t care about her disapproval at all, walked into her office defiantly. She put the paperwork aside and slumped down on the desk, handed a beer toward Nicole.

Nicole got irritated by her attitude. “I said no--”

“Shut up, Nicole. You know in your heart that we both need a drink.” Wynonna gazed at her on the corner of her eyes with a rare earnest look. She unscrewed the cap and brought the bottle up, raised her head to take a swig of her beer. Nicole glanced at her, sighed and gave up on protesting, put down her pen and paper silently before she started to copy Wynonna’s action, took the bottle up to her mouth as well; Pungent alcohol ran through her throat, and burnt inside her stomach.

“Waverly is good.” Wynonna said, out of no where after a while of comfortable silence. She looked toward Nicole, saw a face of surprised after a secret hid under her throat was dug out, which amused her hard. “Thought you wanted to ask this. You two really are-” However that’s where the smiling Wynonna paused abruptly, she seemed recalled something, the energy surrounded her became serious while she deflected the topic.

“After that day you left homestead, Doc, Jeremy and Robin sometimes would come to visit her. She’s always happy to spend time with them, and at those moments I almost thought our Waverly’s back cause we both know how cheerful and energetic she used to be...” Wynonna looked up, her eyes were twinkled with a whole galaxy. “She was happy with them, cause they’re her friends.” She emphasized the word “friends”, and again gulped a shot of her beer.

“But, she’s different when she’s with me.” Nicole saw the stars in Wynonna’s eyes were suddenly darkened. “She don’t hug me at least once a day like before, or ask for a sister moment anymore, I mean she still talks to me but... we became estranged, the way she looks or talks to me is different, I don’t know... it’s like I ain’t her sister, but an acquaintance that lives under the same roof with her.”

Nicole didn’t say anything for a long time. She just stared at the floor, her boats and... “That day when she woke up, she said she doesn’t know what love is...?” She mumbled out the question that had been haunting her for days unconsciously.

“She still decided to stand up for me when everyone’s just saying I’m the black sheep; She was so brave, she fought Jolene alone while we’re just... shitting on her; She’s willing to sacrifice herself to save us; She used to be so happy whenever she mentioned about you- She’s the definition of an angel and well, apparently she really is one. But the most important thing is that,

her heart used to be filled with love,” Wynonna stood up feelingly. “and her love got taken away.”

Wynonna held her head up, pretended to be strong and tried to stop her eyes from streaming with tears. Nicole took one last sip before she placed the bottle on table and stood up with the brunette. Slowly and discreetly she hugged this woman in front of her who could not cry or scream, still tried to stand straight when she’s actually carrying so much; she put her dearest friend that looked so heartbroken in her arms, and patted her on the back as a comfort. The alcohol Nicole drank in soaked her heart, gradually set up a flaming fire.

“She said she missed you.” Wynonna laid in her embrace, head’s on Nicole’s shoulder and murmured fuzzily.

“Waverly?” It’s barely a question since she already knew the answer by heart. “Yeah.”

“Come back to homestead with me.” Wynonna said, left the embrace and took one step backward, her voice’s determined and eyes were bright. Nicole wanted to say yes, but got arrested by the rational part of herself.

“She’s no longer lov.... needs me anymore.” Bitterness was filled in her words, she tried to hide from any eye contact, one hand sneakily reached toward the beer bottle;

“She misses you, Nicole.” Wynonna repeated again, as if she knew these words impacted her the most and hardest. She put both hands on Nicole’s shoulders, which made her startled by Wynonna’s movement, loosed the grab of her beer, hesitated about if she should raise her head to face the brunette;

“So what...?” She gave her a wry, salty smile;

“She needs you, she needs someone to rely on, someone who knows her well enough to help her get through the tough times,” Wynonna said in a tone that almost sounded like begging. “and I trust you the most. Please, Nicole, please tell me you’d be there for her, that’s all I need to hear.”

Eventually she gazed up and looked into Wynonna’s eyes as a sign of surrender, nodded her head in determination and agreement.

“...I will.”

Nicole didn’t know if, the look of Waverly ran toward her excitedly under the light outside of homestead when she just got off from car, and the feeling of the smaller girl hugged her straightly and tightly that night was a reward to her for making that decision; All she could remember was how happy she instantly became after she had the petite woman in her arms again, felt the heat under the thick down jacket slightly spread to her. _It’s okay to fall just a little deeper, she thinks. Even the price of it is for her to walk through hell._

-

Life back on track even since. Everyone took back a normal job after there’s no longer any supernatural creature showing up in Ghost River Triangle, the only thing left in their monotonous daily routines was a ton of tedious trifles. Nothing could compare to the adventure life they had before, but for Nicole, a steady, simple and happy life like this was already more than enough. She now could spend more time to watch a movie or read a book in home, leisurely clean up the house and go out morning run; Although she couldn’t help but still felt something’s lost during a lovely day like this. Everything seemed to be decreased half of meaning and fun without Waverly’s participation. Despite the frequent phone calls she received from Homestead, Waverly would invite her to come over and do random things, or just simply chat and spend time together whenever she didn’t need to work at Shorty’s, they’d occasionally go out for a meal or go shopping, sometimes watch a movie- _it almost sounds like they’re still dating._ But in fact, Nicole knew clearly that Waverly just regarded her as a friend, cause she never tried to hold her hand or did anything intimate, compared to Nicole’s company, she seemed enjoyed the thing they’re doing more.

All these kind of things made Nicole felt frustrated as hell. Even though- her thought was immediately taken back to reality, and replaced her expression to a classic smile when she saw a familiar figure walked toward her. She’s recently sitting in a corner booth of Shorty’s, and Waverly’s coming over to her direction with a tray, wearing that plain crop top monogrammed with big letters of “Shorty’s” that she used to wear a lot, worn up her blown long hair into a pony tail to droop on her back. “Your cappuccino.” She smiled and put down the coffee in front of Nicole.

“I’m impressed that you still remember what my favourite is.” Nicole took the coffee and had a sip, then said playfully.

“Well, I’ve been working at here for so many years after all, keep every customer’s preference in mind is like the basic skill as a waitress.” Waverly didn’t seem to catch the implication in Nicole’s words, she just answered innocently, with a bit pride in her tone. Saw what she said didn’t evoke a single feeling in Waverly at all, Nicole coughed dryly, and awkwardly changed the topic.

“I see you’re still keeping that crop top. Bet you really like it, don’t you?” She said nonchalantly while drinking her coffee; She secretly threw a look at Waverly, unexpectedly glimpsed the girl was blushing with embarrassment.

“I’m not...” She glanced at her clothes with less confidence. “It’s such a waste to just throw it, besides you know, I’ve came back here to work anyway so I thought I could wear this...” She started to ramble on her explanation hurriedly, and Nicole couldn’t help but giggled on her adorable reaction.

Just the time Waverly wanted to argue with Nicole, she heard the sound of other customer calling her over, meant they had to call a truce. Waverly rolled her eyes in displeasure, gave Nicole a guilty look. “I have to go now, call me anytime if you need something.” She winked at her before walked away while murmuring “where in hell is Doc” in her mouth.

Nicole watched the smaller woman left her sight, and sighed quietly in her heart. _This woman is so gonna be the death of me._ She unfolded the newspaper she just got time to read after a crazily busy day, started reading while took a few sips of her coffee from time to time.

She finished two pages in the state of continuously fantasizing, found the foam on the surface was already drained out, only left a half-filled murky spring water in her cup when her mind finally returned to her. However she felt more and more distracted as time passed, so she put down the newspaper dejectedly and looked up, accidentally saw Waverly was talking with a strange man across the bar: She’s crossing her arms on the wooden surface, her body’s a bit leaning forward, Nicole could see that Waverly’s concentrating on the man’s speech, a smile was hanging on the corners of her lips, seemed quite intrigued; While that man just couldn’t stop talking, yet his not even satisfied with that, started to make stupid gestures with his hands, _so smugly thinks he can get Waverly’s attention and affection._ Their face were so close it’s like they’re gonna ki-

Nicole could feel her heart’s fuming with rage; She tried to pressed it down, but the fire only grew fiercer. _She know that she should trust Waverly in a situation like this, besides it’s not even her business that who Waverly’s gonna talk or interact with, above all they’re probably just having a common conversation like those small chats between costumer and waitress..._ Nicole thought of ten thousands of reasons that she’s not supposed to just butt in, but she then heard Waverly’s calling her name, finally realized during the time her mind’s traveling, she’d already stepped between them unconsciously.

“Nicole? Why are you coming here, do you need anything?” Waverly looked at her questioningly, and the strange man seemed bewildered by the situation, stood beside the bar rigidly and innocently. Nicole felt her cheeks were reddened, dragged Waverly’s sleeve by instinct. “Just come with me.”

Waverly didn’t protest despite how confused she was for Nicole’s uncharacteristic attitude, she walked out of the counter, then got leaded to a corner passively by Nicole. “What the hell are you doing, Nicole??” Waverly stared at her back and asked, it’s not hard to hear the sulk out of her voice.

Nicole let go of her hand, but didn’t turn around. “That guy...”

“Oh.” Waverly instantly understood what she’s trying to say. “That costumer names Nick, we’re just chatting. He’s pretty fun, and he’s not local, we’re having some super interesting conversation about the funny incidents he met when he was working in an aquarium...” She sparked up excitedly like a little cuckoo, but paused when she saw Nicole turned her body tardily, in a misguided attempt she tried to hide the bitterness with a smile, but only managed to make it look even more obvious. “You don’t like that I’m talking to someone else?” Waverly asked.

“Then I won’t talk-” “No!” Nicole broke in before Waverly could finish her sentence, her voice’s a bit too rush that made her denial sounded almost like scolding, which gave her a strong intention to slap herself to death when she saw the scared look on Waverly’s face. “No I didn’t mean like that... I mean, you’re free to talk to whoever you want to talk, I’m just...” She urgently tried to find a neutral word to express herself, and finished the sentence to make it up, but her feeling was not neutral, after all. She couldn’t help but felt regretted for her impulsive movement even more.

“Jealous?”Waverly guessed.

“....Maybe.” Nicole was shocked, but she feigned indifferent with a perfunctory response.

“Why?”

Nicole realized that she didn’t have a reasonable answer. _It’s not like they’re still together, so why would she even think she has a place to feel jealous?_ She sank into the awkward silence. But Waverly seemed didn’t care if she’d answer or not, she just stared at her face for a while, then nodded her head, as if she just read her mind and figured it out on her own.

“You know, Wynonna asked me to arrange the stuff in my room, that’s how I found this crop top.” Nicole noticed Waverly started to act weird, her eyes weren’t focusing on her, a hand moved toward another and grasped at the wrist nervously. “And I found some other things too. Some uh... selfies of you and me, we’re pretty close in those photos, you know like... super close. I mean... not just holding hands or cuddling, there are some.. photos of me kissing you on the cheek with my lips, something like that, but I don’t remember about them at all.” She managed to finish what she’s trying to say through her disjointed talk, and Nicole could hear guilt filled in every gap of it. “Wynonna said we’re a couple before I got kidnapped by the Garden. She mentioned the word ‘lover’ too, but I’m not sure what that means, can you uh, explain it to me?”

Nicole could see how reluctant and dejected Waverly was for being ignorant on thing like this, her heart’s hurting for the smaller girl, however the noise of other costumer hollering for service appeared right in the timing of she’s gonna say something to comfort her. Waverly glimpsed the direction of the sound came and sighed, she turned her head back to Nicole with her customary expression that had returned to her face.

“My shift’s gonna be off in half an hour, can you wait for me?” Nicole nodded. She didn’t watch Waverly leave and get busy this time, shuffled back to her booth and put up the newspaper again.

 _1,2,3,4..._ She counted the time passing quietly in her heart. She was too focus on counting so when she looked down, she found herself couldn’t understand the letters on the papers in front of her anymore; it’s like someone changed the printing to a foreign language which she had absolutely 0 knowledge of, made the article she’s reading to nothing but random combinations of the alphabet. The question Waverly just told was rampaging in her head.

 _25,26,27... How is time going so slow?_ She drank off the coffee remained in her cup that had gone cold long ago.

 _3 minutes and... how many seconds have passed again?_ She flipped a page of the newspaper impatiently. Finally she started to understand some of the contents written under those big illustrations..... after a while, she glanced up at the clock. 11:40.. no 11:39PM, about 20 minutes left... she concentrated on the newspaper again.. _what does a “lover” really mean?_ This question jumped back to her mind. _A partner that shares every piece of their life with you? A soul that’s perfectly match with yours? Always understand each other and know exactly what each other needs... a companion that eliminates loneliness and bitterness, hold each other at midnight with extra intimacy and warmth? Someone brings you happiness and orgas-_

Nicole instantly covered her face with the newspaper, aware of how hard she’s blushing right now. She shook her head intensely with an attempt to shake off those thoughts she just provoked from the most sensitive area in her mind, but her brain seemed to be having its little temper, ignored her instruction and started to recall the large amount of nights they spent together instead. She could still remember so clearly of those moments their bodies were pressing on each other, with love intertwined around them and made the best, unparalleled symphony: she would kiss Waverly’s soft lips when the sweet words in her mouth could no longer express how much she adore the smaller girl, and a bright, loving smile always came to their faces right after; Then her kiss went lower, outlined the shape of Waverly’s jaw, then arrived her neck, she’d breathe lightly there and took a slight bite, left a mark of declaration that the brunette was belonged to her. She never failed to hear a moan that combined pain and pleasure came from Waverly whenever she did that. Her restless hands then would go-

“Nicole?” The sound of Waverly calling her from the other side of the newspaper made Nicole jump out of her nasty daydream, and launched from the seat. “Wav... Waverly.” She stuttered.

“Are you okay, Nicole? Your face is uncommonly red.” Waverly looked at her with concern.

“Uhhh, that’s nothing,” She grabbed up the newspaper to cover half of her face, attempted to change the subject. “Why are you coming over? You’re free now?”

“Well, my shift is off, so...” Waverly just let it go, didn’t ask more questions, she picked up the empty cup on the table and gestured to the door of back kitchen behind the bar. “Wait a minute.” She gave Nicole a small smile, then walked out of her sight a bit rapidly.

Nicole started to gather up her stuff as well. When she looked up again, she saw Waverly’s already got out of the kitchen, with her coat hung on her arm. “Alright, let’s go.” She put her coat on and walked out of the bar along with Nicole.

They stepped onto a quiet snowfield, Nicole’s standing aside, silently waiting Waverly to lock up the door of Shorty’s. She exhaled a warm breath, followed the fog and looked up to see the snowflakes dancing under the night, like a miraculous meteor shower given by the profound, dark universe.

Her sight fell in pace with the shower of the stars- Waverly quickly locked the door and walked toward her leisurely. They wandered side by side to the patrol car Nicole parked at the next block, Nicole instinctively wanted to hold Waverly’s hand, but then she remembered their relationship had already became too complicated, she couldn’t take the risk of crossing the boundary and messed it up more, she sighed in her heart and killed the impulsion. She trotted to the car and opened the front passenger door.

“Such a gentlewoman.” Waverly said in a exaggerated tone, and Nicole replied her with a satisfied smirk. She watched Waverly sat in and closed the door, then rounded to the other side, got in driver seat and got everything ready, lastly started the engine.

She pulled out to the street and drove toward Homestead. For some reason both of them didn’t say anything during the whole trip, just let the comfortable silence grow between them; Nicole would occasionally steal a few glances at Waverly’s direction, saw the girl hadn’t moved her sight away from her side of window since she got in, seemed completely lost in her thought.

The car slowed down and stopped in front of the solitary house in the middle of a heavy snow. “We’re here,” Nicole called up, turned her head to Waverly while incubating her goodbye in her mind, but interrupted by an unexpected question from the brunette. “You’re not coming with me?”

Nicole’s confused for a while until she did a double take. “Oh, of course, I’ll walk you in.” She placed a hand on the door handle, about to get off the car.

“Nicole.” Waverly’s no longer staring at the window, she turned to face Nicole, revealed the authentic part of her that she’d been trying to hide the whole night: she wanted to request something, but afraid it’d be offensive or sound like a imposition, so she’s struggling while gingerly trying to make progress. “I hope you can stay over.” She added after a moment of deliberation. “Can you sleep with me for tonight?”

“But...” Nicole hesitated. She knew it’s definitely not a good idea- she tried to put guess on the reason Waverly made a request like this, and pondered the best excuse to refuse, but her brain literally stopped functioning the moment she saw how disappointed Waverly immediately became when she gave the uncertain answer. She heard herself give an approval, felt Waverly draw her across the world of ice and snow, walked into a warm house with fire roaring in the fireplace,

remembered the most when she anxiously laid down, the softest thing she heard which was Waverly whispered “goodnight” before she turned off the light.

-

Nicole had a luscious, lasting dream that night.

She woke up in the slightly freezing morning, climbed up from bed while rubbing her remained sleepy eyes; She saw the other side of bed was empty, the person that had accompanied her last night was gone, replaced by a few scattered petals of rose. At that moment _Nicole thought she’s still in a_ ** _ **dream**_** _._

She noticed there were rose petals on the floor as well. They’re aligned intentionally and extended to the door, like a pathway to guide that’s artificially made by flowers. Nicole immediately thought about Waverly. She got off from bed in a rush and worn her coat, walked out of the room with a bit hope and excitement. She followed the petals through the hallway, went down the stairs, across the empty living room and arrived the porch; A trail of crimson rose that’s leading to the barn was extremely obvious in a yard covered by thick, sliver white snow.

Nicole walked along the trail and made her way to the barn, then softly pushed the door. The view of Waverly standing beside the haystack came to her sight, she watched as the smaller girl slowly turned around when she heard someone came, and for Nicole to see how she seemed took quite some time to dress up this morning: her makeup was perfect, and she’s wearing a scarlet skirt and a gray v-neck sweater which made her look both seductive and cute. She grinned brightly right at the moment she saw Nicole.

“You’re here.” Waverly said, her smile stayed on her face while she walked closer toward Nicole, her hands’ clasping behind her back.

“Wow, Waves,” Nicole called out her nickname spontaneously, “those rose petals, and you’re dressing up.... what are you doing here?” She swallowed hard, acted like she’s amused and tried to disguise her lust for the girl with her laugh.

Nicole didn’t miss the small gesture of Waverly grabbing at the hemline unnaturally. “Do you like it?” Waverly raised her head a bit higher to gather more confidence. She bit her lip nervously, and Nicole could recognize there’s some expectation in her voice when she asked the question and looked straightly into her eyes. As simple as that gaze was, it made Nicole’s heart missed a beat for the astonishment and fondness overflowed her in that second, as if time flew back and they’re falling in love with each other all over again.

 _Is it really not just a dream?_ “Of course I like it. You look absolutely stunning, Waverly.” She took Waverly’s hands and held them in hers, said sincerely. Her reassuring words seemed worked, cause she then saw Waverly put down her guard, and her smile became more brilliant.

“I’m flattered, Nicole. It’s just that...” Nicole saw Waverly took a quick glance on her hands that were wrapping around hers with an odd look. Her heart jolted for the awareness of her impertinence.

 _Of course she just dreamed of those things._ She loosed her grasp awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I did that..” Nicole tried her best to not show the disappointment, while silently cursed herself for being rude and inappropriate. She didn’t dare to see Waverly’s reaction so she looked away, but the feeling of Waverly reversed their position and held her hands forwardly took her by surprised. She looked back at her.

“It’s okay, no need to apologize, I was gonna do that anyway.” Waverly didn’t look at her in the eyes this time, seemed to be feeling embarrassed over something that made her look uncharacteristic shy. “Come with me.” She leaded Nicole to the haystack and dragged her to sit down along with her. “You asked me why I did all these, right?”

Nicole nodded, waited patiently for Waverly to continue.

Waverly took a deep breath, slowly opened her mouth again. “We were a couple, which means two lovers, am I correct?” Nicole almost jumped when she heard Waverly mentioned up the question she’d been taking time to consider about since yesterday- although she’s confused with why Waverly chose to say about it right now, Nicole just pretend composed and answered with a “yes”.

“Wynonna said lovers are two people who are deeply in love with each other. I wasn’t sure what that mean, so I did some research about it.” Nicole could hear clearly that Waverly had raised her tone when she spelt the word “research”, the corners of her lips bowed for this little discover. This girl hadn’t changed that much, after all. “They say people would do romantic things for their lovers, and some uh, very intimate things, they calls it ‘sexual’...?” Waverly confessed a bit incoherently, her ignorant made her weirdly sound innocent during a heating conversation like this. “So I set up those flowers, and I thought you might wanna see me wearing some sexy clothes, or want to kiss or have sex, I don’t know, I just think you may want these...”

“Waverly,” Waverly stopped when she heard Nicole’s gentle voice came to her. She put her hands on the brunette’s shoulders with an intention to comfort her. “I don’t need any of these. I appreciate that you’re trying to make me happy, but I don’t want you to force yourself to do anything.” Nicole paused. “I’m okay with it... even if you don’t love me.” She ignored the protest of her heart and lied.

“But I want to learn to love you.” Waverly said genuinely, enunciated each word she spelt. Nicole stared deeply in her eyes; She didn’t know if she was trying to find something through those windows toward her soul. _Without a doubt this woman in front of her is not joking or taking a bet about it, she can tell from the limpid green sea in her eyes, only guilt and a hint of yearning which makes her look more vulnerable._ She’s touched by Waverly’s words, but she wasn’t sure if it’s the best way to fix the gap that had became bigger and bigger since the day the smaller woman lost her sense of love.

“Okay... What do you wanna do..?” Nicole managed to release those words through her clenched teeth. She didn’t want to cross the line, so she decided to let Waverly dominate this.. whatever they’re doing right now. At the same time she would call it an “insane suggestion” cause she could totally see what’s coming next, which was dangerous in view of their complicated relationship, and her question was literally an approval that instantly pushed her to the edge of a cliff; She either could take a risk and walk onto the wire in front of her, or stay put, hopelessly wait for the raging fire keeps approaching and eventually, consumes her to nothing. Both ways were fraught with risk and danger, but she’d already gone too far that made it impossible to quit easily and unscathed now.

Waverly stared at her, the expression on her face changed to something Nicole couldn’t recognize if it’s shyness or hesitation. She then leaned slowly toward Nicole, her eyes blinked faster because of nervousness. “Um, ki... kiss me?” Saw Nicole didn’t show any resistance, Waverly movement became steadier, but still gave enough time for her to call off.

Feeling Waverly just a breath away from her face, the awareness was like the fire behind her on the cliff, burnt all the calmness and self-control in Nicole to ashes within seconds. But still, the nature inside her made her release the long-restrained desire for the smaller woman cautiously; She closed her eyes, covered Waverly’s lips with hers, and placed a soft but torrid kiss there.

Nicole didn’t realize how much she missed the softest feel of her lips until the moment, she miraculously got to kiss the girl she loved again- she took a gentle bite at her upper lip, sucked a bit, then moved apart but not afar to felt the hot, unstable breath from the other girl brushed her face, before she leaned back for another kiss. She could feel Waverly’s anxious with her move, so she put away, reopened her eyes and put two hands on her face, caressed her cheeks with thumbs as a way to comfort, smiled tenderly to help the girl feel at ease. Her smile turned brighter when she felt the tension slowly faded, put her nose against Waverly’s, stayed still and enjoyed the lovely moment. _She missed the kiss, she missed the smell of her body and how she tastes like on lips, she missed the way they opened up to each other, she missed every single part of her like crazy, she missed her._

After made sure the other girl wasn’t uncomfortable about it, she started to kiss Waverly more deeply and affectionately, attempted to memorize the feeling and provoke something from the past- she tasted both senses of familiarity like soft, honey sweet and also strangeness- the reaction from Waverly wasn’t even half passionate like she did, she’s torpid like an inexperienced girl, tried to imitate her move and keep up with her pace. She felt less sweet in this kiss than the ones they shared before, but Nicole knew she couldn’t ask for more. They had plenty of time, she could teach her on those things little by little.

Nicole let go of Waverly’s lips reluctantly, checked on her state before she started to cherish other part of her. She placed a few light kisses on her left cheek, retrieved herself and found the new target. She pushed away a wisp of hair that’s hanging down around Waverly ear, placed her mouth there with a whisper, “You’re just so beautiful, Waves...” then took her earlobe into her mouth, licked it with her nimble tongue, finally gave it a harder bite on a sensitive spot. She heard Waverly moaned deliciously with pleasure, couldn’t help but smirked in satisfied, felt even more turn on with lust bursting in her body, made each touch felt extremely hot. She took off her jacket to make herself feel more.

Nicole’s mouth lingered at her earlobe for one last second before she separated from her, and looked at Waverly again. She was expecting to receive a shy, blushing look from the brunette, instead she just saw the girl’s shutting her eyes tightly, looked very tense.

“You don’t have to be so nervous, Waves.” Nicole tried to relax her, gave her a faint smile, but at the mean time she couldn’t help but worried if she did something wrong, _or the whole experiment thing they_ _’_ _re doing is already wrong, they shouldn_ _’_ _t do it at the first place..._ “Or I can stop if you want..?”

Waverly immediately opened her eyes and shook her head. “No, it’s okay, you can continue.”

As much as Nicole already had prepared for something like this, the lukewarm response Waverly gave was still like a pot of cold water, easily doused most of her fiery desire just like that. Nicole knew there’s no way they’re gonna work it out anymore, she felt discouraged and about to give up, but Waverly read her intention and grabbed her hand hurriedly.

“Just try it once again, okay?” Waverly said, her voice’s a bit urgent. She pulled one hand of Nicole’s onto her chest, and leaned in to kiss her on her own initiative. She’s slightly more skillful with the kiss after she gained some experience, but Nicole could still taste clumsy from how Waverly’s desperate about it.

And this time, Nicole didn’t lose herself in the intimacy; Dust of her desire couldn’t be rebuilt so simply, but she decided to gamble everything she’d left in this last try: she again closed the distance and kissed Waverly back possessively, even roughly this time. Felt Waverly didn’t show any urge to reject, she placed a hand on her breast and started to massage it through her sweater; She instantly realized the brunette didn’t wear a bra since there’s only a thin fabric between them. She would definitely tease this woman for such a discovery if it’s before, but right now all she wanted to do was just to prove the thing they’re doing at least mean something. No matter how the stunned look on Waverly’s face made her feel like a villain.

She placed a hand on Waverly’s back as a support, the other hand reached to the hem of her sweater, then thrust in beneath her clothes and put it on her bare, soft skin. She didn’t waste much time before she stretched her hand upward, left a trail of several light touches on Waverly’s stomach then slowly, covered her breast and started to rub it regularly. After a while, she began to use her thumb and index finger to pinch her nipple, in attempt to bring Waverly more sexual stimulation; While their lips were still pressing at each other, Nicole patiently induced her to open her mouth, her tongue slipped in nimbly and intertwined with hers, gained some disjointed groans from the girl which barely got into the air in the gap of their kiss. She could feel the brunette’s body was somewhat shivering under her touch, but she couldn’t tell if it’s came with excitement, or something that’s very close to scare, though she didn’t have time to distinguish nor want to, cause she knew she had to finish this.

They exchanged a few more kisses, Nicole thought Waverly’s supposed to be ready by this rate, so she went further, loosed the grip that’s lingering on her breast, pulled it out of her sweater and started to explore the place under her skirt- her hand went from her thigh to underwear, finally came to her entrance, but it’s dry there just like the other part of her body.

Nicole’s heart was frozen as if it just dropped into an ice house. _Her dream has broken into pieces._

She retrieved herself from Waverly, slowly and completely. Her head’s bowing, shadow engulfed the expression on her face.

She could feel Waverly’s puzzled sight was on her. “Nicole?” She called out softly. “Are you okay? Did i do something wrong...?”

“I’m.. sorry, Waverly...” Nicole just stared at her thigh in a daze, fragmented words came out from her mouth.

“Why are you saying sorry? I was willing to do this with you, cause they say that’s what lovers would do right? I just thought-”

“Waverly.” Nicole raise her head that’s already soaked by tears. She couldn’t even look at Waverly for long, there’s a heavy river flooding behind her swelled, reddish eyes, kept on clouding her sight and made her have to blink her eyes frequently. She lifted her hand to wipe off those water stains on her cheeks for a few times, but it always got wet again soon enough. _She must be looking so pathetic and ridiculous, she thinks._ But Waverly just looked at her firmly, slowly replaced her expression with understanding.

“I’m really sorry.”

“..Okay.” Waverly didn’t refute her this time.

“Sorry I can’t make you fall in love with me.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry that I’m in love with you.”

Waverly didn’t reply this time, and it’s not hard for Nicole to figure out why. The smaller woman was still, do not understand what’s ‘love’, after all.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go now.” Nicole stood up from the haystack. Waverly’s remained silent, so she just picked up her jacket and left the barn with determined steps without a formal goodbye, walked directly toward her car and got in, stamped on the accelerator then drove off from Homestead, didn’t look back at the barn for once the whole series of her actions. She’s afraid to see Waverly followed her out and say something to detain her cause it never failed to work, but she knew she couldn’t stay this time. Although compared to this, she’s more afraid of--

Waverly would say her farewell without a single bit of hesitation.

-

Nicole drove across the town, passed the police department and jewelry store, passed Shorty’s Saloon, passed Purgatory High and cemetery, finally drove into an boundless wildland. She kept wandering and wandering around as a train without terminal, left sprawling ruts on the road that’s as messy as her mind.

Eventually, she stopped behind the edge of a cliff when the night fell down, and a ghostly thought came through her heart. She couldn’t go back to Homestead after everything she encountered this morning, nor she wanted to return home, so she got off the car. She instantly caught a strong sense of cold the moment she pushed the door open-- the night wind of Purgatory was freezing enough, not to mention a desolate place like this. The roaring wind just ignored the thick windbreaker and sweater she’s wearing inside and blew into her chest, slowly spread the piercing cold to everywhere of her torso. But Nicole didn’t shrink back, stubbornly took a few steps forward. _She will get used to the cold, she thinks._

The wild wind was snarling around her ears. Besides this everything was at peace, not a single redundant sound appeared anymore, as if the world behind her had already died.

She stopped when she’s just meters away from the cliff, then sat down. The first thing came to her was the slightly painful feeling of her hips and thighs pressed on the cold, sharp gravels. She adjusted a bit the way she’s sitting, felt the discomfort melted away while her attention started straying. Nicole sank in this moment, let her soul float and return to nature, couldn’t help but felt some regret of didn’t go learn meditation along with Jeremy before.

 _Jeremy, right... how_ _’_ _s that little scientist now? How_ _’_ _s the thing going between Robin and him?_ A seed was placed with a casual thought of a friend’s name, rooted in her head and began to germinate, brought her back to those delightful memories she shared with them, hence the bud named ‘recollection’ started to grow uncontrollably to something rich and strong. She thought about Waverly again.

Realized her mind had once again turned back to the smaller woman, Nicole shook her head fiercely, urged for the cold wind to come inside and freeze all those thoughts. She looked toward the dark firmament lit up by a skyful of stars, a massive forest afar hided its existence under the shadow of night, everything was so placid and harmonious. With an attempt of integrate into this quietness, slowly she closed her eyes that were recently surging with waves.

The time Nicole heard any noise came from the outer world again seemed like a century after she’d been alone in the invariant universe.

She heard the sound of wheels crushed over the gravel road, opened her eyes, saw a beam of light illuminated her from behind. Nicole turned her head, took quite some time to adapted the light which was completely the opposite to the dark night she’s in, before she noticed a familiar figure jumped off from the red jeep and ran toward her.

“Waverly?” Nicole looked at the brunette with an unbelievable expression on her face. “Why are you here?”

“I was looking for you.” Waverly answered without hesitation. “I’ve been feeling worried since you just... left Homestead like that. I tried to call you but you’re not answering my calls.” 

“Oh.” Nicole gave her a guilty look. “I forgot to charge up my phone last night and the battery died... I guess.”

Waverly rolled her eyes at her explanation. “Anyway. I couldn’t find you anywhere, and I called your neighbor around the time at sunset, she said you haven’t came home yet. So I went to Jeremy and asked him to track your location through the GPS of your car, which led me to here.” Somehow, Nicole could feel the other girl’s a bit annoyed according to her voice.

“Listen, Nicole,” Waverly said, put her hands into the pockets. “I’m sorry that I did those things to you at Homestead this morning. I didn’t mean to irritate you and make you feel more upset...”

“It’s okay, Waves.” Nicole stood up, reassured her with a careless tone she put on. “I know you’re doing that with good intentions.”

“But... I did make you sad, or you wouldn’t come to this.. cliff-” Waverly seemed realized something in a sudden, her tone changed. “Was you planning to...”

“No, it’s not like that.” Nicole smiled softly. She felt a little embarrassed for enjoying the concern Waverly gave her. “Remember what happened the last time we’re here?”

Waverly pondered for a while. “You mean...”

“Yeah.” Nicole slightly nodded. “I almost fell off the cliff and died. I told Wynonna to let go of the rope, cause at that moment, I really had thought of giving up; For all these years, I was both angry and devastated for being the only survivor of that horrible massacre, cause I couldn’t save anyone, nor be able to die with them.”

“Nicole...” Waverly wanted to say something to change her mind, but closed her mouth when she saw Nicole shook her head and gave her a faint smile, as if she’s saying to her “it’s okay, just listen to me” while tenderness twinkled beautifully in her chocolate brown eyes.

Nicole spoke again. “I’ve gone through a lot things in the past 20 years, but I never realized one thing until now: if they make me go back to the time that massacre happened, I’ll still choose to save myself. After all, a 26 year old me couldn’t do the least thing to confront a powerful, ruthless demon, so how could I expect a 6 year old little girl to fight him and be everyone’s hero?” She paused, and exhaled a warm breath.

“I think, I’d already made the best, bravest decision all these years before. I saved me.” She proceeded, felt more and more relieved as the sentences constructed themselves in her mind and left her mouth one by one, each word helped to build a key that’s made by magic, eventually unlocked the heavy shackles that were chaining around her heart. The painful memories, the nightmares and burdens and tears, everything that had been haunting her and forced her to carry for almost 20 years, they all vanished at that moment. Her eyes were sparkling with hope.

“I became the only witness of that crime, although the Black Badge Division didn’t wish to leave a single proof for people to know something brutal like this actually existed.” Nicole hesitated briefly when she mentioned about Black Badge. _It_ _’_ _s supposed to be a classified department of the government, however it_ _’_ _s entangled with all her life when she_ _’_ _s just a commonest civilian._ She withdrew herself from the thought and continued. “Still I’m grateful for it, the fate arranged me to survive from that tragedy, and gave me a chance to meet you guys, which was the best thing ever happened in my life.” Nicole looked up at the sky, her heart’s filled with love.

“That day at here,” She took a step forward, almost reached the end of the cliff now. She felt the coldest air from the abyss swept up to her, as if it’s extending an irresistible invitation. “I almost died; You and Wynonna saved me, and Dolls saved us. He’s the real hero here.” She smiled wryly. “And I miss him so much.”

“Yeah...” Waverly sighed, the hot air she breathed out instantly dissipated in the cold wind. “I miss him too. He was a good person, and he was our important partner, no one could ever replace him. And...” She walked toward Nicole, carefully put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re a hero too, Nicole, you know. You’re the sheriff, the hero of this shitty town.”

Nicole vacillated, self-doubt and insecurity showed on her face. “I only hope I can be half good as Nedley did.”

“Nicole, you’re an amazing sheriff and you did a good job,” Waverly said. “trust me.”

Nicole turned around. Waverly’s figure was right in front of her, surrounding by the white ray of the headlights, looked like an angel lived in the paradise that’s lost on earth without her wings. This picture of her was so pure and glorious, almost too good to be true.

“You know, there’s a lot things I have regret on. I regretted for never hugged Dolls for once till the end, or told him how thankful I was to him for helping me discover my past; I regretted that I lied to you and hided things from you. There’s a lot other things I regret besides those, but then I realized,

these are actually something very precious, the regrets we’d have only when our hearts are full with love. This is the sweet, inevitable price we have to pay for loving someone...” Nicole’s voice became lower, her heart’s overwhelming with all the emotions, while her words were so pallid and powerless, couldn’t describe a half of how she really felt.

“I don’t understand, Nicole..” Waverly stared in her eyes. “this thing called ‘love’, is it something delightful, or actually something bitter?”

Nicole sat down again on the gravels of the cliff. “It’s bittersweet, I think.” She answered after a long silence; Although it’s like teaching a blind person to read on the blackboard, she noticed Waverly dropped herself beside her from the corner of her eye, seemed not to catch the meaning of Nicole’s words, but she just nodded, didn’t ask anything more.

Both of them hadn’t tried to start any conversation after that. Nicole felt exhausted, she needed a moment of peace after an incredible awakening, and Waverly was accompanying her.

They sat there side by side, let the serenity of nature slowly wrapped them in; They sat quietly, and lost track of time. They went through forever together, eventually heard Nicole break the silence first.

“It’s late, let’s go back.” She said to Waverly. They got up and started to walk toward the source of light. Nicole spoke out abruptly after a few steps, “Do you think.. you will fall in love with someone in the future?”

“I don’t know...” Waverly answered, looked a bit flustered, which Nicole could totally anticipate it’s coming. She sighed quietly in heart with both loss and relief, sped to open the car door as usual when they’re just several steps away from the jeep. She watched Waverly sat into the driver seat and gave her a appreciate smile. Nicole smiled back, gathered all her courage up and spoke the words that had been tossing and turning repeatedly in her mind for quite a while:

“I’ll wait patiently for you to fall in love with me again; But please remember, I’d also be glad to know, if you find someone else that worth you to give your heart for. If one day, this person does show up, I will..” Nicole had to stop for a second so she wouldn’t sob out and make her voice shake. “give you all my support, and pray for you to be happy together forever. And..” 

“even if you can never find your love back, I’ll still always be there by your side as long as you want me to.” She slowly loosed her grip on the car door, took a step back before she left a blessing that’s softer than lullaby, at the mean time it’s deep and profound as a vast sea.

She said _“_ _Goodnight_ _”_.

Nicole closed the door for her, stepped backward and took some time to memorize this moment, finally turned back and walked toward her own car. She sat in and started the engine.

The way she took to return home was extremely dark, all she could see was the a length of road in the fore that’s lighting up by the car. But what’s even more strange was the spectacle she witnessed next: a mysterious fog cloaked the sky gradually, obscured the shining stars, and covered the surrounding of her with a thin hue of grey; Then, a ray of light beamed toward the firmament, it thrust through the clouds, reflected a figure that’s wrapping up by the sliver white wings emerged from the darkness, followed the lead of the glorious light and soared to the sky with its wings stretched gorgeously, like a phoenix rose from the ashes. Bells of heaven were echoing between sky and earth.

Nicole was astounded, deeply and unbelievably.

She stared at the figure, unable to move away her sight for a long time; When she finally recovered from the shock, she looked back at the road, noticed a dark vortex came out of nowhere without any warning, and obstructed right in front of her. She hastened to brake, however it’s already too late, only ended up rushed into the black hole along with her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at first when I thought about writing a fanfic, I was gonna do a oneshot, then it became longer than I expected and longer... eventually I had to make plural chapters lol, it's such a fun journey tho and I appreciate everyone that'd came through all the way with me. Really, thank yall for the support <33 Although the story hasn't ended yet hahaha  
> final chapter's coming soon and *spoiler alert* VERY SHORT


	5. End of a fairytale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original plan this chapter was actually gonna be at the end of chapter 4, but I thought an ending of a story needed it's own chapter so here we are, on the chapter 5 aka FINAL CHAPTERRRR  
> also just wanna say the when I first constructed the whole story, I already had thought of first 3 chapters, but the idea of this fic's title also chapter 4 was actually from a song call "Leaves" by Ben&Ben, go listen to it if you're interested haha  
> Enough of the chatter, hope you guys like this chapter as well :)

Nicole have once again waken up in that forest.

Half of her face is stiff from the coldness of the iced, dry ground. Her head feels dizzy, for a moment it’s a thorough blank in there, before a bunch of thoughts come in and mess it up, make her puzzled with everything. _Where_ _’_ _s her car? Where_ _’_ _s Waverly?_ She shut her eyes, tries to recall something from the memory.

Little does she know, this is just another beginning of a poor taste game when she sees the absolutely same set of surrounding in front of her. _Was everything she just went through still a part of the_ _hallucinations_ _?_ _Or_ _her reunion with Waverly_ _w_ _as_ _actually real, she_ _’_ _d briefly came back to the reality and now_ _for some reason_ _she_ _’_ _s back to this sick_ _illusionary game again? Did she even_ _have ever_ _g_ _otten_ _out of the Garden_ _or not?_ Nicole thinks she’s going insane, the thoughts of it make she want to cry.

She gets up from the ground with a dispirited heart. Not having a single clue of what she should do next anymore, she knocks the dust out of her clothes and looks around, then surprisingly she notices something both familiar and unfamiliar. A large and gloomy stone stairs that’s totally misfit with the forest stands not far away from her, with a magical door on top of it; The window connects to another world is closing tightly, trying to hide from people of all its dirty secrets. Nicole didn’t expect to feel like this, as if she’s reborn when she got back and sees the door again.

_But..._

“Nicole!” Wynonna’s voice appears from behind, along with a burst of thick and jumble footsteps approaching her, getting louder and louder and interrupts her thought.

She shakes her head, turns around and sees Wynonna, Doc, Jeremy and Robin, even Nedley’s here, the whole team’s running toward her. “You came out from the Garden!” Wynonna shouts excitedly, looks surprised but also glad.

“Uh... yeah.” Nicole’s still a bit uncertain. She then feels Wynonna stride to her and give her a passionate hug. “We were in Homestead trying to figure out how to get in the Garden and help you guys, then Doc noticed a super huge white light beam came from here, we thought something happened so here we are.” She slowly releases Nicole. “Where’s Waverly?” Wynonna asks while looking around curiously.

“Waverly is...” For a minute Nicole’s not sure how to answer. She looks toward that dismal staircase, her mind’s currently disturbed. That’s where a picture of a flying phoenix, no, a figure with big white wings soaring to the night sky comes into her head again, and she recollects everything happened before that, finally she associate that figure to a certain someone, all of a sudden a big question’s solved cause it feels right. “I think.. she has turned to an actual angel, and returned to the place where she really belong now.”

“What do you mean by that...?” Wynonna asks, stares at her with confusion in her eyes, and Nicole didn’t miss that slight hint of fear she’s trying to press down.

“It means.. she may not gonna go back to us anymore...” Nicole lowers her head and mumbles, afraid to look at the expression Wynonna gonna show to her. Her eyes are in a daze, fixes on the ground and forget to feel anything, except a heavy swallow that tastes extremely bitter. _Her girl_ _’_ _s gone._ Nicole thinks, feels her heart’s breaking to pieces.

“You better look at me and answer my question now, Nicole Haught,” Wynonna presses her hands on Nicole’s shoulders fiercely, makes her to look up in a pair of glaring blue eyes timidly. “you promised me you’re gonna bring Waverly back safe and sound right?! Now where is her? Where’s my sister??”

“Wynonna!” Someone calls from behind, tries to stop a brewing fight between them.

But Nicole just ignores it. “Wynonna.” She takes a deep breath and opens her mouth again. “I’m really sorry. I already did everything I can, but yeah I didn’t keep my promise, it’s a fact, sorry I let you down, but...” She looks straightly and steadily into Wynonna’s eyes, returns the same glare the brunette gave her. “don’t you think I feel awful about it too? That I’m miserable and suffering as well? I hope her to be back to us as much as you do!”

Just right after Nicole finished her sentence, she feels a strange vibration from her finger, so she lifts her hand and sees that giant slash ugly ring starts to glimmer again. The ring seems to feel her gaze on it, cause the light then becomes brighter; And in the next second, as if it’s melted by an invisible fire, the ring turns to tiny and dense ashes and scatters from her hand, the wind lifts them and bring them toward that door. An unknown voice comes into her brain and tells her to close her eyes, so she does, like a common girl in front of her cake and prays for a miracle on her birthday day.

And the door of heaven approves her wish and opens itself: a vine that seems belongs to some plant reaches out itch by itch, from the bright light that’s filling the doorway. The atmosphere changes, and Nicole feels it so she reopens her eyes. Everyone starts to be on the alert, Wynonna and Doc extract their pistols from holsters.

However the vine just keeps extending on its own, and becomes thicker and thicker.

“Is that a bud?” Jeremy asks loudly and curiously. They all see there’s a pink ellipse that’s uncommonly huge followed the vine and came out as well, it moves slowly and purposefully toward Nicole. “Nicole, Watch out!” Wynonna shouts at her. But Nicole just shakes her head.

“It’s fine.” Nicole reassures her. She doesn’t know how to tell, but for some reason she doesn’t feel scared at all; On the contrary, she feels calm over all these odd things.

The vine didn’t extend anymore when it’s just about one meter away from Nicole. Huge, pink bud of flower tears itself apart quietly, brings the most important and beautiful moment of its life in front of her, and Nicole witnesses its blossom from the start to end: like a kaleidoscope being turned slightly by someone, the soft, delicate petals of it open one by one, looks it’s attempting to wrap her in, but also seems to be wanting to show her it’s deepest secret- she then sees, the last petal that bloomed is carrying a sleeping beauty. _A woman with blown and wavy hair, a woman she missed, a woman she loves._ Nicole covers her mouth, feeling too happy that makes her burst into tears. She reaches out, wants to touch the girl but hesitates, before she reach her hands again and finally, holds Waverly’s soft body in hers.

She feels the petite body stir below her, looses the hug gingerly, and watches as Waverly opens those singularly beautiful green eyes of hers that Nicole never felt bored to look into. “Waverly.” She calls out tenderly.

“Nicole.” Waverly sees it’s Nicole in front of her, immediately smiles brightly at her. Nicole can swear she saw the affection and happiness that’s so obviously tinting her face, and looks a lot more vivid than the time in Garden. “You brought my out of the Garden.” Waverly reaches out and cups her face.

“Yeah, you little fool.” She rubs Waverly’s nose with hers, smiles beside her lips and says.

“We’re ****home**** now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end. I don't know what to say now I basically already made my speech on the end of last chapter lol. Anyway I really appreciate every kudo and comment or even just hit in to check this out, you guys gave me motivation to finish this :3 and uh, *maybe* see you guys in next fanfic 3475892 years laterrrr  
> THE END


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